Mama who bore me
by QuinnSalvatore
Summary: Future Faberry. Quinn's daughter sets out to find the other woman that helped raise her and experiences both love and friendship on the way. Angst, heart break and lies.
1. Chapter 1

Hey Guys!

This is set 22 years after graduation (Quinn and Rachel are 40 and Quinn's daughter is 17). In the end of their senior year Quinn and Rachel finally confess their feelings to one another and move to New York. Quinn went to Columbia and Rachel went to NYADA. Two years later Quinn is in a car crash (it didn't happen before) and suffers from partial memory loss. She doesn't remember who Rachel is and confides in an old family friend Joe who is running a building company in Georgia. Quinn moves there and gets married to Joe starting a home based bakery, becoming a housewife in the suburbs and planning to start a family - cutting all ties with Rachel. Nobody knows that Quinn's memory didn't affect her as much as they thought, and she did remember Rachel as well as all her feelings towards her. But she knew that there was no way they'd have a normal life together. It takes three years with Joe for Quinn to realise she's made a huge mistake, and she returns to New York with her new born baby girl, Alice. Not telling Rachel the entire truth Quinn claims that her memory suddenly came back with the birth of her daughter. Rachel, even though in a relationship, breaks it off to be back with the love of her life, slowly building up the relationship they had and helping equally with Alice as Quinn worked part time as a photographer. Joe finds her five years later and threatens to take away Alice thinking that Rachel and her are unfit parents, devastated Quinn agrees and moves back to the suburbs with Joe and once again cuts all contact with Rachel. Rachel persistently through the years attempts to contact Quinn and Alice, who she feels is like her daughter, but gets no response. In attempt to find her Rachel goes to the hospital to see if her records hold any information to her residence, but a doctor confides that the memory loss wasn't severe at all. Rachel knows she's been lied to and now only sends cards to Alice (birthday and Christmas), until twelve years later when Quinn responds to her telling her to stop. That year Alice finds all the letters and gets a star tattoo similar to Rachel's signature on the back of her neck, having also seen one on her mother's wrist, she doesn't fully understand and is hesitant to ask. Two years later on her 17th birthday she reaches breaking point and is tired of her mother's lies. She embarks on an adventure to meet Rachel and find out the mystery behind Beth. But will she be happy with what she finds?

I will continue this if you guys like it :D

Alice woke up in a daze, the room smelled sweet yet empty, in a pleasant way of course. The window that was half open was blowing in the soft southern air that reminded her of summer days yet to come, aromas of sunscreen and the light fragrance of flowers from the neighbours next door. Everybody on the street had pristine gardens, everybody watered their hydrangea's vigorously, and everyone took pride in their children. There was some days when Alice felt her mom took the last bit a little too far, considering the impeccable state of their hydrangea's she often wished she'd cut her some slack. She pulled the covers over her head and hoped that she could just go back to sleep. It was a rare occasion for her to have a peaceful dream, but when she did it was always the same one. A beautiful brunette was singing to her, and though she couldn't quite make out the song, the voice was beautiful. Every time Alice was sad she thought of that lady and how she sang her to sleep. It felt more like a memory than a dream. But there were secrets in the household that Alice had told herself not to think about. Unravelled secrets usually dont end well.

"Good Morning Sunshine!" cooed a familiar voice through the door, and in came Quinn Fabray, but Alice never really knew who that was. She didn't speak about her teen years, she didn't tell stories about younger days, she never even mentioned her friends. Except of course her dad, but that was almost obligatory information. She kept that story short anyways. _Joe Northman and Quinn Fabray_. Some nights she lay awake thinking about what it must've been like for them, for her. They didn't even meet in high school, could they have met in college? Alice wondered that a lot, this was usually followed by the question of whether her mom actually went to college. But maybe she was better off not knowing. The blonde in her early forties was carrying a cake through the room, the candles shining dimly against the already bright room. Alice grimaced and pushed through a smile. Birthdays were never her thing, neither were the flowers that decorated the powder puff pink cake.

"Mom, you didn't have to.." she began politely, sitting up unwillingly to make space for the lady in a flowered apron. Her hair was perfect, as always. She hoped that one day she could tame the wild blonde hair that flew past her shoulders like her mom, but it didn't seem likely. From what she could tell, her and her mom were very different. This came to a pinnacle when she was banned from calling herself Allie or Al, there was something about the tomboy attitude Alice had that made her mom have that disappointing glint in her eye every time she witnessed her climbing a tree or playing with animals when she was younger. even her little brother was more of a bookworm.

"I know, but it's your birthday. Don't you like it?" She arched her eyebrows expectantly. No one alive couldn't appreciate a Quinn Fabray homemade cake, which was probably the reason her baking business was such a success.

"No, you know I love cake." She butted in before her mom could look any more let down. It was hard, playing the game that she'd created, being the daughter that she deserved. But Alice had secrets, just like her mom.

"Good. Eat up, I've got a special surprise planned for you. Mrs Carson already dropped by some lilies even though I told her your allergic how many times, god forbid that woman to ever remember something. Perhaps she did it on purpose..."

"She wouldn't have."

"Never mind then."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I'll just have to make Rhubarb pie instead of Apple for today."

"Why..."

"She hates it" and with that Quinn Fabray gave her daughter the signature smile of malice, even though it wasn't directed at her Alice wondered what fuelled that attitude. She hesitated and then touched her moms arm. Quinn's hazel eyes flickered down to Alice's, they were bluer, brighter, more innocent. Or perhaps that's just what Quinn thought. Alice was tired of this, the fake woman looking back at her. She wanted to know the real person that was behind those hazel eyes, she wanted her to feel real emotion, she wanted to be told everything about her life. She wanted her to sing like the lady did. And in that moment something in Alice Northman broke.

"Mom? I need to show you something" she took in a shaky breathe before some hesitation, and pulled her hair into a high pony tail. "It's small, but...no more secrets" with a gulp she turned to show her the small star that lay just below her hair line on her neck. There was a silence in the room once more, but there was nothing pleasant or comforting about this one.

"When did you get that?" she replied in a stone cold voice, Alice was prepared for a tone of disgust or at least some shouting, but she sounded..._hurt_.

"I was fifteen" maybe that made it worse, having kept the secret for two years. It sure looked so from what Alice could tell by her mother's expression.

"It's fine, you can get them removed easily enough and-"

"I don't want it removed" she interrupted abruptly. "And not just because I'm not a little kid anymore." She shook her head as she explained. Quinn's eyebrows arched in question.

"It's just like yours, see?" Alice grabbed her moms hand and the movement rocked the bed slightly so the cake wobbled, luckily it didn't fall off. Sliding her mother's watch out the way Alice revealed the same star on her wrist. Her eyes made their way up to hers, waiting. Quinn took in a breathe.

"It's nothing." Her mom said as she slid her watch back down and moved the cake to a safer position of the side table.

"Then why does _she_ sign her name with it?" it was a rare thing to catch Quinn Fabray caught off guard, but her daughter had achieved the unimaginable. She gulped and turned to face her.

"How did you -"

"I saw the letters, the ones she sent you. She wanted to see me mom" Alice explained with a tone of desperation. "..she seemed like she, cared about me. Who is she? Who is Rachel?" maybe Quinn hadn't heard that name in a while, but either way she shut her eyes tightly when her daughter uttered it. She never thought the day would come. Alice hesitated before getting up, shoving her belongings into a bag. She didn't know where she was packing too, or even why. But from what she did find from the letters, was an address. In New York City. There were letters for her too, most of them actually, but they were un open. She never got given them. Her mom hid them.

"Alice let me explain..." Quinn's voice was fragile, and her eyes were sudden with confusion."I made so many mistakes, and your dad, he believed in me."

"She believed in you too, mom. She l_oved _you." Alice shook her head with her lips pursed. The few lines she did manage to read of the letters made that pretty clear. She couldn't even look at her mom. "Did you love her too?" she stopped for a moment. Quinn's lips opened but nothing came out. "Did you lie to her too?"

"It was just a fling, it was a year after Beth and I needed to-" Quinn chocked back her words, but it was too late.

"Who's Beth? You know what, it doesn't matter – because all these secrets, the first five years of my life which I _know _weren't spent with dad – I'm going to find them out. All of them." With that she slammed the last of her necessary items into her bag and flung the heavy strap over her shoulder. Her first stop would be to her friend's house, travelling in pyjamas was a no go, even for a runaway. Her second and final stop was NYC. Maybe Rachel didn't love Quinn anymore, and Alice didn't blame her. But she sure was hoping that maybe somehow she still cared about the little girl she sang to sleep. "Rachel Berry" Alice muttered with a smile as she made her way through the streets. That was a name she'd never forget.


	2. Chapter 2

"I really don't mind, you know I trust you-" Rachel paused and swallowed her words, giving the steaming cup of coffee a little swirl with the spoon. "Maybe just call Kurt" she added sensitively, placing the spoon on the saucer. She didn't exactly know how to break it to her husband that his taste in dresses was to say the least, poor – never the less Rachel made her best attempt not to think negatively of him, since he was doing her a favour. Andrew didn't really do shopping, but he sure did do the buying. In earlier days Rachel felt like he was doing it to keep her, but she made sure not to dwell on suspicions. Not all relationships were about love and passion, some were just convenient. Andrew, a top banker in New York city, was a convenient husband. The apartment she was standing in that was ten minutes away from Broadway and in the uptown area of Manhattan was a convenient location. The gold ring that glimmered on the brunettes slender finger was a convenient reminder that life went on. If Rachel hadn't been a financially independent woman (as she of course was) perhaps she'd feel guilty about it. But she did care about Andrew, and she did attend business dinners and talk to his partner's wives, and she never complained. Because after the dinner was over, she'd always have her job. Her passion, her escape, her sanctuary. She'd made it in Broadway. And whether she liked it or not, sacrificing the idea of an unrealistic love story was worth it. The phone began to ring again, she knew this day off due to a cold wasn't going to be easy. With a sigh she let it ring as she crawled back into bed and switched on _Singing in the rain_. Mouthing the lines she pulled up the Egyptian cotton cover tightly around her and promised herself that tomorrow was another day. That and music seemed to be the only thing that kept her out of the darkest corners of her mind that were filled with regret.

"One ticket to New York City – no return" Alice said confidently as she prepared to board the only bus she knew that got her out of the city. Wearing a low riding pair of jeans and a crop t-shirt with a band on it that no one from around here would know of, she was glad that her mom wasn't here. Her hair was messy as per usual and her leather booties could use a polish – but sneaking out of her friends house through the rose bush definitely left a few marks. The bus driver was stout and smelled of some sort of crisps, Alice tried not to inhale the stench in fear she'd never want to eat them again. He was sweaty too, his greasy face plumped with a red tint in the summer heat. She tried not to judge him too much, in this weather the last thing she wanted to do was sit behind a shield of glass. Luckily for her her skin was cool from a fresh shower, smelling damply of light vanilla and the faded aroma of her moms washing powder. She swallowed a notch of guilt that began to rise up to the surface. The greasy man raised his eyebrows suspiciously and shook his head, Alice could only stand strong until he said something else. This was her one shot, and the bus was practically empty. There was a fairly old couple near the back, but they seemed pretty content by the stop that allowed them to judge the neighbours gardens. A woman in her late forties sat deep in her own thoughts nearer the back, and a college student submerged in some mathematical book really couldn't care less.

"This doesn't go to New York, sweetie" he said in a mocking tone, a chuckle making it's way through his short body. It got caught and he wheezed a little, never the less Alice didn't move.

"The furthest it goes then, a ticket to there." She shrugged keeping a plain expression, she knew she had enough money to get a plane, actually she had more than that. Maybe there was a plus side in the fact she never wanted to buy fancy dresses or attend riding clubs. Alice had been saving her whole life, she didn't know for what, but this seemed like a pretty damn good reason to burst open her piggy bank. The man looked at her a little more suspiciously, but finally accepted the fact she was old enough. Alice refrained from rolling her eyes, the midrift that she was flaunting and the tanned honey complexion accompanied with her moderate height hardly made her seem like a runaway, or so she hoped. He gave up and with a nod motioned for her to come up the steps. With a smile of victory the blonde skipped up and gave him the forty dollar bill he'd asked for. This had to take her somewhere far, and she was sure there was an airport wherever that somewhere was. Getting a seat right at the back, she got a surprising smile from the grandmother. She was prepared for a disapproving look, but since the woman didn't look like she was from here it made more sense. Alice was hit with the hope that maybe outside the small road with the housewives, things were different. Just as the small coach started with a few growls and began to roll, Alice heard shouting from behind her. She was hit with a moment of panic as she dreaded the idea it could be her mother, but no it was definitely a male voice. It was smooth and husky, but loud enough for the bus driver to halt the vehicle in one grumpy hit of the pedal. The doors opened with some difficulty, exerting some worrying noises as they shook to the side of the opening. Alice peered over the seat in front of her as she tried to subtly get a glimpse of the guy who was catching his breath.

Alice had only spoken Charlie Lanter once, which was odd considering they lived on the same street and went to the same school. That one time was when Alice was shooting the football team practice a few years back, and unfortunately for her, she got his tragic accident on camera. She remembered the days after the match, it was as if someone had died. But it might as well have been a death, at least for the narrow minded inhabitants that lived in her town. Charlie's arm was shattered, and the image of his bone sticking violently out of his flesh is one that Alice could never forget. Plus that was the day she broke her favourite camera. To this day she never understood why she dropped it and ran to him. Sure she was closest to him, but she wasn't a medic, and she'd never even said a word to him before. The guys on the football team dated the typical types of girl. Alice, was not a typical type of girl. Either way she must've done something write, holding his arm in place had saved him a couple of surgeries, and potentially an amputation – that's what the doctor said anyway. She didn't see how, but she was glad she did what she did, even if she did sacrifice her cannon for it. She only said one sentence to him as she kneeled down by his side holding his arm as spots of blood began to drench into her top. "_You're going to be ok". _ And then he blanked out. Even though Alice dreaded a conversation after he was released from hospital, the fact she only got one solemn thanks and a head nod seemed to be insufficient. She didn't dwell on it though, what else was she expecting. Charlie probably didn't even remember that part. He was probably more focused on the fact he couldn't play football anymore – so there went his college scholarship. Come to think of it, Alice had no idea where he'd been the past two years or what he was doing. Through the grape vine she heard that he didn't attend too many classes and just helped his dad at the family car repair service. It didn't explain why he was here though. Alice reminded herself it wasn't really any of her business.

Charlie was tall and broad shouldered, which was the usual frame for sports men – or ex-sports men. He was a little less in your face hulky though, but that didn't mean he didn't have muscles. They weren't subtly hidden in his black t-shirt either. His jeans were a bit ripped and frayed, but that was kinda his look she guessed. The whole rugged bad boy vibe. Even though she was curious as to what he was doing on the bus, she made sure to subtly look away when he glanced in her direction. She was pretty sure she could see him smile out the corner of her eye, but she made herself stare at the flower patch instead. To her disappointment the familiar sound of the doors closing filled the bus, and Charlie's footsteps started to get closer. _Please don't sit next to me, please don't sit next to me- _Alice smiled politely and moved further to the window. There were three seats at the back, she was on the right hand side and Charlie Lanter had firmly plunked himself down on the left, his bag and her bag sharing the middle. She thought she could get away with continuing to look out the window, but he was definitely staring at her. She sighed silently in defeat and gave him a subtle polite smile, reaching for a book in her bag even though she got car sick.

"Seriously, not even a hi?" he asked with a boyish grin, and looking up Alice had a chance to take in his features more vividly. He had wonderful bone structure, and she felt guilty for thinking it was lucky he hadn't been tackled in the face. His eyes were a vivid light blue and he had a strong nose and dazzling white teeth, which was suspicious since by the smell of his shirt it seemed he'd taken up smoking. She didn't blame him, his life was pretty much ruined. This was all covered by a short flop of messy brown hair. Alice pulled herself back to reality, though she hardly wanted to be having this conversation.

"Hello" she said with a nod, just as he wanted, she returned to rummaging in her bag shortly afterwards. But the groan that came from Charlie's throat was definitely not of approval.

"You know this is a long bus journey right?" he said with a boyish smirk.

"Depends where you're going" Alice commented raising her eyebrows, he chuckled a little but unfortunately saw this as a conversation starter. She wished she could take her words back.

"By the look of your bag – pretty far. But hey, me too." He patted his equally large dark blue bag. "So what's your story?" he leaned back and rested an arm on the back of the middle chair, his fingers nearly grazing her shoulder.

"I don't have one, and if you do...I'm pretty sure it's private" she rolled her shoulders in a shrug and decided her ipod would be a better distraction, if only she could find that.

"Ok, if you want to be like that it's fine. But Alice Northman, I have to tell you truth. I wouldn't want to share this bus journey with anyone else." There was an edge of sincerity in his voice, but she couldn't focus on that. So he knew her name, maybe it was her full name, but it didn't mean he cared. "You saved my life and now we can't even talk about the weather?" he scoffed, but there was something friendly about it. The window was crooked open on his side and with the pleasant draft came the infused smell of his cologne, shamefully she found it delicious.

"I didn't save your life, and that was a long time ago. So why have this conversation now?" she asked him nonchalantly.

"Because now I have the courage. Also you can't run away" he joked and the smirk returned. Alice shook her head, she wasn't one easily charmed.

"I can still jump." She stated bluntly, motioning her head to the window, but his smirk didn't go.

"I'll jump with you" he said, she laughed a little, but there was something in the look in his eye that made her believe him. It was unnerving. "I'm sorry. I've been meaning to talk to you for a long time now, and I have been plucking up the courage.." he sounded a little more serious.

"You already said thanks, so you're welcome. Nothing more to it." She gave a half smile, but it was enough for Charlie to beam. A few seconds ago she wanted the conversation to be over, but for some strange reason she was happy he was here with her. She didn't feel so alone, so scared.

There was small silent moment, which oddly felt very comfortable.

"the weather's pretty awesome, huh?" he said in a cool slick voice, the smirk a little subtler but still there. There was no way of avoiding him.

"Yes. Yes it is." She agreed, finding herself smiling. She knew what she'd done, the conversation was only just beginning and she'd given it the green light. They did have about three hours to go, and since Alice decided this journey was about finding everything she could about herself, she didn't think it'd hurt to find out why Charlie was so smitten with her either. Because for some reason, she felt pretty smitten by him herself.


	3. Chapter 3

Ever since Alice slammed that door Quinn felt she physically couldn't move. it seemed like she was stuck to her wooden chair in her kitchen. Everything around her was so perfect, so quaint. The daffodils on the window sill gleamed and the invitations on the fridge were a pleasant reminder to her successful position in the small town. Even the lazy dog that usually avoided Quinn, since she repeatedly shouted at him for leaving dirty paw marks on the carpet, felt sorry for his owner and resided by her feet. All she could do was stir her cup of coffee, even though it had turned cold. It was a signature, three stirs and two taps on the corner, something Rachel had taught her. She closed her eyes as she thought of what to do next. but she didn't know. She didn't know what the right thing to do was. Her life was one big lie, and the only person that could help her probably wanted nothing to do with her. She'd feel the same if it was her. Quinn let herself indulge in a memory, she knew whatever was to come in the next few days was going to be hard – so allowing herself this one quiet moment was a pleasant indulgence.

"He's looking at you! Okay, come on...he totally is. Wait, he'll do it again. Ready. Look over here and I'll tell you when to look." Rachel's mutterings in the lecture hall where quiet and full of glee, sitting next to her girlfriend she pretended to look as interesting as she could in the open lecture about the history of Sepia. The fact that Quinn had been to so many of Rachel's rehearsals and talks, it seemed only fair that she'd accompany her favourite person to something she enjoyed. It was early autumn and the scent of chestnuts and cinnamon's harboured the New York air, but all that Rachel could smell in that moment was the sweet musk of Quinn. She smelled like smooth butterscotch and vanilla, granted it was probably her shampoo, but the smell sent a shiver down Rachel's spine.

"Fine. Maybe he is" she sighed in defeat and rolled her eyes, followed by an instant hand grab, Rachel jumped a little followed by a chuckle. She instantly settled down in her seat, her fingers intertwined with Quinn's perfectly. She rested her head on a shoulder a little and found comfort in the soft cashmere. Every so often Quinn would give her hand a squeeze or run her thumb over her fingers. Their hands weren't the only the only thing that fitted together, the star tattoo on Quinn's wrist and heart on Rachel's meant more to them than anyone will ever know. Rachel looked up at her Quinn and gave her chin a little nudge with her nose, Quinn looked down to look at her with those hazel eyes that Rachel thought of so often. They were filled with secrets.

"He's still looking" she added once more, there was something in her eyes that shone uncertainty, self consciousness. She wasn't sure why, part of her was feeling a little scared that maybe he liked Quinn and maybe Quinn liked him back – of course that was crazy. The other was the usual feeling she got when people looked at them, judging them. But Quinn always knew what to do. That smile burst onto her face, the one that shined with idea.

"Then kiss me-" the daydream was shattered, a briefcase was flown onto the table.

Joe Northman was a good looking guy. And if you didn't know him very well, you'd presume he was a good guy as well. He was incredibly muscular, and even though he told everyone it was because he used to do the manual stuff at his families construction site (not like the business stuff he does know which acquires a suit) it didn't take long for Quinn to find out that Joe very much believed an eye for an eye. He had deep green eyes which perhaps were the reasons Alice's were so much brighter than her own. His nose was strong and he had thin lips, chestnut hair lay smoothly in ripples to just above his ears. Yanking off his tie he poured himself a glass of water, which after a few hours of tv would turn to whiskey. It always did. He looked expectantly at his wife, or the ghost of his wife and frowned a little when she didn't move. Usually he was greeted with a three course meal as well as an ice cold beer.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked nonchalantly, more curious than thoughtful. That's what Quinn always thought at least. It wasn't that Joe didn't love her; because she knew for sure out of all the people Joe knew she was the most important to him, besides their kids. But Quinn knew another thing, that Joe _couldn't _love. She could hardly blame him for that. It just, wasn't him. Sure she'd hoped his heart was as big as the muscles that covered it, but at the same time she wasn't too sure if she loved him. But she tried damn hard to convince herself everyday that she did. Her throat felt dry and sore, and she felt like she couldn't say anything out loud. What was she meant to tell him? But if she didn't tell him the truth, that was just another lie on top of all the others. Oh well, she was going to hell anyways. She cursed silently at herself for thinking like that. But she knew one thing for sure, nothing good was going to come out of her telling Joe. Before she had a plan, and a real plan, he was definitely not getting in the loop.

"Nothing sweet heart, now let me cook you up some ribs" she said with a brave smile. Anyone who really knew Quinn would know it wasn't true, but Joe took it and ran with it, pulling her in for a peck on the lips before making his way to the tv. The dog followed. The dog always followed.

"Ok, Twilight or Harry Potter?" Charlie continued throwing another skittle into his mouth. Instead he decided to throw it a little higher to see if he could catch it in his mouth, unfortunately for him Alice leaned in and snatched it with her own before he could have a chance. She'd reminded him earlier she was the queen at that. He rolled his eyes and nudged her, and since they were spread out on the back of the seats it made her wobble a little bit. Backs to the wall, Alice's legs were on top of Charlie's, who were bent underneath her. Long coach journeys called for a lot of manoeuvring. Alice had tried to ignore him absent mindedly playing with her boot zip, only because she'd ended up fiddling with his ked laces.

"Is that seriously even a question" she rolled her eyes with a wide smile exposing a set of perfectly white teeth. "So HP of course, books over films, favourites are 1,3 and 7." She said thinking out loud as she chewed on the skittle. Strawberry, her favourite.

"Your turn to ask a question" he reminded her whilst taking a few skittles and this time placing them in his mouth. He picked out to red ones and slipped them into her fingers as she pretended to think.

"Hm chocolate...or vanilla?" Something changed in his expression, he'd seemed happy enough playing the game for the last half an hour, but Alice could only read his expression as disappointed. She hesitated for a moment and finally he looked up at her.

"C'mon, a real one" he said in a smooth deep voice. She arched her eyebrows a little confused. But he wasn't budging. Not wanting to confess she was running away and knowing that she'd have to tell him if she asked where he was going, something else popped into her head. She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. Closing it she recollected herself. _You can do this_. she thought to herself.

"You said that you wouldn't want to spend this journey with anyone else." She began, her voice a little quieter with an edge of uncertainty "And you knew my name...how, or more importantly I guess...why?" She looked up uneasily. Just as she did the bus driver pulled up onto another stop. The student got out, it was only them and the old couple left. Every time they reached a stop Alice had an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach that he was going to get off, and she'd never see him again. It was ridiculous since she sort of just met him, but technically she knew him for 10 years. The bus carried on and Charlie stayed entangled in her legs. It seemed like he was thinking a lot too.

"I said it because it's true, and of course I know your name. Actually, I know a lot about you." He kept his head down a little, which was odd for the confident boy. But Alice didn't want him to hurry, she couldn't quite take in what he was saying anyways. "Before the accident, I used to do stuff to get you to notice me. It sounds really lame, I know. But you seemed really cool, you were the prettiest girl I knew and somehow I was invisible to you. And then the accident happened, and I don't know...yeah it sucked, but having that moment with you – the first thing I asked when I woke up at the hospital was where you were. And you weren't there. It's stupid, but I was hurt. I just couldn't stop thinking about you. So I tried to get over you." He paused for a moment, Alice stayed silent. She definitely wasn't expecting this. "But it still hasn't worked." He finished and swallowed. She felt a surge of nausea, what was she meant to even say to that? There was a silence that filled the coach and even the hum of the radio at the front seemed too loud.

"I'm sorry, I'm being an ass – I shouldn't have told you all that-" he began but Alice interrupted him.

"I'm going to New York." She said abruptly. "And I might not come back." Whatever Charlie wanted to hear, it wasn't that. Either way his face lit up with the first half, but of course sunk with the last.

"Allie you have to come back though.." she just shook her head and kept her lips pursed. "I'm going to North Carolina, I'm in this band and we're touring the south shore over there" he mumbled uninterested, just feeling that he should put his two pence in. "I can come with you."

"No, you can't." She said a little exasperated; there was no simple way of explaining it to him. Even though her stubbornness was one of the things that attracted Charlie to her, he definitely got taken back by her bluntness. She felt a sting of guilt and reached for his hand, linking her fingers with his "I want you too. Trust me, I do. But my life's a pretty big mess right now and no good thing is gonna sort that out" she didn't have a strong southern accent but there was definitely a little edge to it. She spoke softly though, and Charlie listened. The coach was coming to an end, and they'd hit the North Carolina border. This was where the coach came to a complete stop, which meant Alice had to get off too. Zipping up her bag she swung her legs over and got up whilst the coach was pulling into the stop. "Bye." She muttered quietly as she looked down at the bright blue eyes that shone back up at her, begging her to stay through their gaze, saying nothing though. Too proud and too wild. Just like her.

Half way to the door she felt someone grab her hand, and her heart sank as she looked down to see the grandmother. She had thick red lipstick and her hair was a fluff of peachy white, but she looked happy and so did her husband. She smelt thickly of violets and it reminded her of home. She grandma let go and smiled up at Alice.

"You two make a lovely couple, hold onto that one. He maybe trouble, but he'll sure make you happy" she chuckled lightly and at the same time gave her husband's hand a little squeeze. Alice smiled politely but turned to leave none the less, her spirits lower. She hoped she would find what she was looking for, but either way she wasn't in New York just yet. She turned to the bus driver and gave him a smile and thanked him again, then she skipped down the steps and into the late afternoon heat of a town where no one knew her name.

Just as she began looking at the map to find the nearest airport she felt two hands softly grab her behind the waist, pulling her into the embrace of a very well built chest. Within a moment her lips were pressed into his and the smell of his cologne lingered on her skin. He ran his fingers through her hair crushing it lightly while the other hand held her close, beckoning for her to stay. He pulled away softly and pressed his forehead to hers, she could still taste him on her lips.

"I've wanted to do that ever since I'd met you." He muttered as they stayed holding each other for a moment longer, he smiled softly against her skin. But with that the moment was over and he turned and walked away, vanishing into somewhere she'd never know. As she turned back to look at the map something caught her eye by her feet, a white piece of paper folded in half. Picking it up she unravelled a scribbled phone number, and smiled to herself as she placed it in her jean pocket.

Finding the airport was just a ten minute walk she started her way through the streets, humming to herself the song the lady used to sing to her. So carelessly that she didn't even see the stout lady she bumped into. She was fairly short but the fact that she was shouting should've caught Alice's attention. The lady gruffed but accepted Alice's apology, instead just shoving her the leaflet she was so wildly advertising. _A guide to New York – Coupons Included!_ Alice shrugged and thought she might as well take it. She gave it a quick flick through before shoving it in her bag, unknowingly having looked the person she was searching for right in the eye, or at least right in the double spread.


	4. Chapter 4

Hey guys, Just a quick note. The fic will probably have ten chapters to it, depending on what happens. Also for those who were wondering what Rachel and Quinn look like as well as other characters. Of course it's always up to the readers I think, but here's how I pictured them:

Quinn – (just an older version of Dianna but something like Rosamund Pike)

Rachel – (same for Lea but similar to Idinia Menzel )

Alice – Amber Heard

Charlie – Chace Crawford

Joe - Joe Manganiello

Andrew – Alec Baldwin

j

"So you aren't really the family type then, huh? I don't blame you, with your success there's no room for diapers" The woman said with a slight edge to her smile, her lipstick was layered thick and the fuchsia colour seemed to stick out oddly in the neutral colours of the apartment. Going with the floral theme her outfit consisted of bright pinks with yellow undertones, and her hair was a slick auburn that didn't do her youth justice. To top it all off she smelt violently of roses and Rachel couldn't help but reminded of her paternal adoptive grandmother. Never the less she was an interviewer, for a prestigious magazine at that, not a friend – so Rachel promised herself she'd manage to sit through an hour.

"Well no..I-I never said that" Rachel brushed off nonchalantly, tucking a lock of brown hair behind her ear. Her wedding ring catching the light as it often did, reminding her of the decisions she'd made. The woman gave a knowing smile and didn't seem to write anything down, contrary to the multiple scribbles she'd been making in the last half an hour.

"But you've been married for quite some time now. I think it's great that you value your career enough to sacrifice _so _much for it. You're not too keen on children then?" they kept putting words into her mouth, and the sickly stench of her perfume as well as the bright colours and confusing questions started to make Rachel's head spin. She shook her head and took a sip of water from the glass that laid perched on the coffee table between them.

"Actually no, I was brought up in a very loving environment and have always wanted a family. But I guess sometimes life doesn't plan out how you want it too.."

"So you do regret not having children?"

"I'm happy where I am in my life now." Rachel replied a little more sternly, trying to emphasize the fact she wasn't comfortable talking about. Finally the young woman, who mentioned her name was Vivienne or something like that, made a note of it. Feeling slightly empathetic for the girl she decided to continue, clearly she wanted a story. "Growing up with two fathers made me appreciate the fact that family doesn't mean blood" she began and Vivienne looked up brightly. It was a well known fact in the theatre circuit that Rachel Berry Morgan's had two homosexual fathers, but this would be the first time she'd spoken about it. Vivienne's face turned even brighter as she registered her scoop. It's not that Rachel was ashamed or embarrassed by it, she was actually very proud and admired her fathers, she just didn't see what it had to do with her career. Never the less this was LeRoy's favourite magazine. She smiled softly imaging the look on his face. Rachel looked across to the ginger and gave another smile, this one not of happiness, but of thought. The idea that somewhere and somehow somebody in particular would see this gave Rachel an opportunity. Clearing her throat she took in a deep breath.

"Family is love. And you forgive those you love. Always."

j

Alice was constantly amazed in the world she lived in. It only took another hour to get to Fayetteville, and having spent 6 hours on the coach up here it was quite a relief for her tired legs. It seemed that the places she passed where thick in a summer haze, the pollen had scattered onto everywhere and the mist that grilled above the black tarmac sent her into a lethargic state. The sun was setting as the drive continued. She found herself falling into a light sleep on the journey to the airport, waking up every so often by the pothole or the sound of a car horn, only to close her eyes once more and drift back into a blissful state of unawareness. Perhaps she should've been concerned by what she dreamt of, but it was no surprise that in her dreams Charlie seemed to thread his way in and out. If it wasn't him on her mind it was Rachel, and if it wasn't Rachel it was her mom. Her stomach sank when her thoughts lurked onto Quinn, they were dipped in guilt and longing and had to immediately be stopped. Her phone was still off and she planned to keep it that way. Arriving at the airport and having bought her ticket Alice decided to have a roam of the shops after having bought herself an extremely juicy cheeseburger, a side order of fries, and a supersize slushie (in this weather she thought she deserved it). The airport held the usual stuff and even though she had enough money on her, as usual clothes hardly interested her. She thought about buying something for Luke back home, but he'd probably be too mad at her. He was quiet and didn't say much, but Alice knew that out of everyone he spoke to, it was mostly her. She felt kind of bad for him, sure she herself had expectations to live up to for Quinn – the whole southern belle thing, but Alice was stronger than him, plus he had dad to face. It seemed like neither parent got what they want, especially since Luke was probably reading right this moment instead of out playing football like Joe wanted. Alice settled on a small bug encyclopaedia, maybe it would convince him to spend more time outside, and maybe her dad wouldn't give him such a rough time then. Having broken into a twenty dollar note she thought she might as well spend the change on something useful. She found herself punching in digits on a payphone, and weirdly feeling a rumble of nervousness in her stomach.

"Hello?" Charlie's voice answered and the rumble turned into a roar.

"Hey" Alice replied, finding herself smile a little. "Glad to hear this isn't some randomers number."

"I thought about that actually" he sounded much happier than he first had, and somehow that made Alice feel a little bit more confident about calling him. "So where are you wild one, you better be safe, ok?" she chuckled lightly and dropped her bag by her feet. Sure she'd appreciate the stuff she brought, but right now her shoulder was throbbing.

"Yeah, I'm safe." She cleared her throat and straightened up a bit, this wasn't a lovey dovey phone call. He was a friend, he wasn't her boyfriend, and he was probably a temporary figure in her life. Then again, so were most people. "Hey listen, I need you to do me a favour. "

"Sure, what's up?"

"When are you going back ho-" she stopped herself and swallowed hard "to town." She could hear Charlie sigh quietly and draw in a sharp breathe. He wanted to go back with her, she could feel it.

"A week. What about you?"

"I need you tell Luke when you see him around that I'm ok, ok?"

"When are you coming back."

"Just tell him..please." Alice felt guilty for not answering him about when she was coming home, but the fact was she didn't know. She felt guilty for having let herself get so attached to him already. She felt like she knew him all her life, she felt like he cared about her – and maybe he did. But that just wasn't important right now. "I gotta go.." she muttered, pressing her back against the cool glass of the cabinet. She hung up before he could say something. Because whether he begged her to come back or said whatever and hung up it just didn't matter, and the quicker she accepted this the better. Flipping her bag over her shoulder she made her way out and started for her terminal. She'd be in New York soon. And even though she had no idea what was waiting for her there, it had to be better than this. it was getting fairly dark now and the weather was cool even inside, it was probably night time soon and she hoped she'd get at least some sleep on the flight, she felt like hell.

"Magazine, ma'am?" the stewardess offered after checking her ticket information, Alice shook her head without giving the cover a second glass. Some culture or fashion magazine with just another actress on it, she rolled her eyes and continued walking. Settling down in her seat she closed her eyes and started thinking. Her mind wandered to the most random of things, what was Rachel's favourite colour, what ice cream did she like, whether she liked animals or what her favourite sport was. And just like that she started to create this person, of course ignoring the major aspects like how she knew Alice. Maybe it wasn't the smartest move, Alice knew that, because maybe Rachel wasn't anything like the idea of her. And maybe she wanted nothing to do with a girl she once knew. Either way, she just had to find out.

j

"John, I need you to do me a favour" Rachel spoke in a hushed voice knowing that Andrew would be home any minute, which would mean her conversation would definitely need to be over. Her all purpose friend sighed in a deep tone before clearing his throat. He was the kind of guy that had a history in the force, the kind that carried a black book, and the kind that you definitely didn't want to get on the wrong side of.

"Rach, if this is about Quinn again. I'm just going to tell you the same thing I did years ago-"

"No. It's not. You don't have to remind me of that" she spoke clearly as she folded the hem of her dress and leaned back into her chair. If you needed someone found, john was the guy you went to. "It's about Alice, I don't need to know where she is...I just, isn't there some way I could transfer some money to her or do something...anything" John sighed again, maybe he thought it was silent this time, or maybe he underestimated Rachel's acute hearing. He spoke in a softer tone this time.

"No, and I'm telling you this as a friend. You don't have any rights when it comes to her, and I'm sorry okay, trust me I don't believe in the system when it comes to this. But anonymous donations these days aren't that anonymous."

"John I'm not asking to see her" she pursed her lips and looked down, her free hand fiddling with her soft cardigan. "I love her, she's my daughter. I don't care what anyone says" her voice was quiet and vulnerable, but Rachel tried to hold her ground. She knew that if she was ever going to see her again she'd have to fight for her, being weak wasn't going to get her anywhere. She _hated_ Quinn in moments like this. She hated her for disappearing; she hated her for lying to her. She hated her for ruining her life and taking everything away from her. But most of all she hated her because she didn't hate her at all, and she couldn't hate her no matter how hard she tried. She loved her. Ardently, passionately, and unrequitedly. "I've got to go" she mumbled quickly before hanging up the phone and sliding it into her pocket, gracing her face with the signature Rachel smile as the door opened.


	5. Chapter 5

Hey guys, the lay out might change every so often but it usually goes from Alice to Quinn back to Alice and then to Rachel, but sometimes I'll alter it depending on the plot, since soon they'll be very much linked in ;) Hope you're enjoying it so far! Reviews are very much welcomed

"Shhh, come on Lukey, just close your eyes" she held him in her arms as she lay half covered by the duvet. He clung to her in the darkness of her room, her hands making their best effort to cover his ears as downstairs the usual racket started. It was the usual shouting, the comments that lead from one thing to another. When she was younger Alice used to sneak out as Luke fell asleep and then try to stop it, she always protected her mom, but as she grew older she started doubting herself. Not her allegiance, but maybe neither of them was right. This was usually followed by spending late nights on the roof, or maybe going back to Luke. Either way she grew up with a thick skin. But as she got off the plane to the glaring sun of a city most people just dream about, she wanted nothing more than to be back in that bed. There was a safety to that house. There was a safety she felt in Quinn's presence, and sometimes she hated her for it. The journey had given her chance to over think, to say the least, about everything that could possibly go wrong. She came to two conclusions, one – she wouldn't find Rachel, ironically this was the one she hoped for, since the other seemed so much worse. the other option being that Rachel didn't like her. Maybe she didn't want her, or maybe she'd be polite and give her tea and send her on her way, maybe she'd feel bitter towards her because of what Quinn did, or maybe she just wouldn't think Alice was a good person. Which of course, the young blonde would have to agree with her on. She hadn't felt like a good person in a long time. As she lingered around the arrivals section of the airport she reminded herself not to look around for someone waiting for her, since everyone seemed to be greeted by someone – loving grandparents who missed baking them stuff, their significant others who felt the need to do a run up kiss, or even just an old friend, Alice had to stop thinking that she had family here. It was too early for that. Getting herself a Starbucks with a sigh of defeat dropped a very short text to her mom, instantly turning her phone off as soon as she knew it was sent. It just told her she was safe, and frankly that was all she was going to get.  
>"Need a taxi?" said a stranger with a warm smile, his stubble seemed to be neatly trimmed and his hair was a mop of tightly curled brown ringlets. He was nicely dressed for a taxi driver too, and his sharp green eyes felt familiar to her own. She hesitated for a moment, growing up in a lane where everyone knew everyone's middle name didn't make her very street smart. She shrugged and stayed composed.<p>

"No thanks, maybe a little later"

"New to the city, huh?" he said with a smirk and started turning away, curiosity got the better of Alice as it often seemed to do.

"How did you know?" she asked just before he started walking, he turned half around and gave a knowing smile.

"Because there aint no thing like 'grabbing a taxi later', you fight for them. And your accent 'course." There was something about the honest and blunt way he spoke that made Alice get up, take her coffee and follow him. What was the worst that could happen? "Where to then?" her coffee suddenly tasted bitter as he spoke. This was the beginning; this was the start of her mission or whatever it was. No more awkward bus journeys, no more just hoping, she had to deal with the issue at hand straight on. She couldn't go to the police, what would she even ask for – a woman named Rachel? She chewed on her lip nervously as she thought. Dammit she should've taken the letters, she should've taken _anything_. She felt a feeling of regret and loss at the pit of her stomach and maybe the driver caught onto it, politely asking if she was alright in his thick New York accent. She nodded apprehensively as she got into the signature yellow vehicle and collected her thoughts.

"I need a hotel, or maybe a motel actually...near the centre – pretty cheap if possible" she tried to remember the address that had been scribbled on some of the letters. Something park...central park? She rolled her eyes at the thought and tried to concentrate, it was hard when the man kept on yakking on about how it was going to be hard to find a decent hotel without a booking so late, but that somehow was the least of Alice's problems. How much money did she have anyways? She knew she'd spent a lot on travel, but surely she had a thousand left. She'd babysat for the neighbours since she was about 12 and then there was that awful beauty pageant Quinn auditioned her for, it got her a good sum of money though when she won first place. Come to think of it, Quinn didn't take a dime. Alice's spirit sunk lower. It wasn't safe for her to travel with what money she did have anyways, and this had lead to several paranoid checks, but stuffing it in her pj socks in her bag did make sense at the time. Actually _nothing _made sense at the time, but as she patted the bag she was pretty sure the cash was still there. Maybe it was Park Avenue. That seemed to make more sense. But Rachel's writing was so cursive and elegant that unfortunately when reading quickly it didn't make too much sense. Pus she could hardly knock on every door and ask if a Rachel was there.

She took the short and last journey to the hotel as a chance to think of a plan, but pressing her temple to the cold car window she couldn't help but let herself admire the view for just a moment. She'd never felt so alive.

"Where's Alice?" Luke had a small build and was pretty skinny for a eight year old. He had thick rimmed glasses and a fluff of soft blonde hair that reminded Alice of a little chicken sometimes. Quinn put down her book and raised her eyebrows a little.

"She's at a friends house" she said calmly, picking up her mug with one hand and taking a strong sip. Quinn's heart melted slightly at the look of confusion in the bright grey eyes that shone back at her. They seemed lost and anxious. "Come here" she said softly, but the boy hovered for a moment longer where he was. Finally he took some steps forward and perched himself on the wooden stool nearest to his mom, his feet swinging an inch above the ground. She took both his hands in hers and bent forward to look him in his bright eyes. "I miss her too" she admitted quietly.

"She's not at a sleep over, she would've told me. She would've said goodbye" he persisted, but at the same volume, not moving his hands away and finding comfort in the warmth of them. "She always says goodbye" he added looking down. Pulling her chair a little closer Quinn placed her head on his and stroked his head gently.

"She'll come back" she cooed quietly, not sure whether it was the truth or just wishful thinking. "I promise" she could feel her voice breaking, but that wasn't the only thing.

"You sure this is the only place?" Alice looked up from her seat at the rundown hotel submerged in the down town streets of a city she'd never been too. The rush of the streets and business of the crowds took her off guard at first, but after reminding herself a few times where she actually was got used to it. He nodded and sounded almost apologetic, but Alice had no time to use, or money for that matter. Handing him the necessary cash (and making a mental note wherever she was going to go she better do it by foot) she got out and made her way to the lobby, or at least that's what the neon sign said. She was glad to be in the surprisingly cool air conditioned building and away from the strong stench of grilled food and car fumes that had hit her from the taxi. The woman behind the 'desk' definitely didn't want to be here, or maybe that was her usual expression. She had thin but nicely done up hair, makeup that looked like it'd been applied by a shovel (a very colourful shovel) and an outfit that probably suggested she had a part time job after this in somewhere less conservative. Alice tried her best not to judge and walked up to her confidently.

"Hi do you have any free rooms?" the ground floor was small and quaint, and suggested that they did have a few. Since the taxi driver had always recommended it Alice was mostly asking out of politeness, plus she'd never gotten round to actually doing this. there was a group of sofa's in one corner with a coffee table with a bunch of magazines on it, and the other side led to stairs next to an elevator. There were a few shrubs in pots but they were probably fake, the woman she was speaking to not only seemed to be the only person on duty right now, but also not exactly the kind of lady that would remember plants need water. Alice stopped herself again.

"Sure do sweetie, ya looking for a double or a family or you just want a single?" she seemed interested enough, and her casual tone was pretty refreshing actually. Her accent was a similar thickness to the taxi drivers.

"Just a single please" Alice replied rocking on her heels a little, she was glad she hadn't seen any dodging looking people around, that definitely reassured her and her stash of money. Of course, she spoke a few moments too soon.

"Yeah 4B's free, how long ya staying for" the woman, whose name badge read Holly, was chewing a strongly flavoured cherry gum and since she was a lady who liked to use her mouth a lot when she spoke, Alice was frequently forced to inhale the super sweet flavour. She felt a little light headed. Trying to concentrate on how long she was planning to stay was harder than she imagined. A week? That was probably too long. A day was definitely too extreme, and even two would hardly give her time. She settled on three as she imagined the rates were pretty low. Holly told her to put her card in the machine.

"I, could I pay with cash?"

"Okay...just because you don't look like somebody whose trouble that's fine. You aint looking for trouble are ya?" Alice shook her head, and it was true. She had no idea what she was looking for. Paying a surprisingly low sum of 150$ she made her way up the stairs to room 4B, she was never a fan of elevators and plus the walk was much needed after all that travelling. Just as she reached the top of the fourth floor someone walked straight into her, and Alice could feel the burn of hot coffee on her torso, she yelped out momentarily in pain, it was more the shock of it than the heat, even though she definitely was feeling some kind of burn.

"Shit! Shit! Shit! Fuck I'm such a fucking Klutz, lemme mop that up" the culprit of the coffee holder was someone that Alice didn't really think drank coffee, but being from a small town meant you started to make presumptions about people before you even knew them. The girl in front of her was her age, but a little shorter. Her skin was a light caramel but contrary wise her hair was the darkest shade of black Alice had ever seen, it probably had a tinge of blue to it too. She guessed the pharmacy sold it as some cliché name like midnight. She had startled pale blue eyes that were thickly lined with a strong layer of pitch black eye makeup, which also matched her black lips. Her ripped up denim skirt was actually the most clothing she had on compared to a mesh tank top and some boots that surely had to be a few sizes too big. This was all perfected by a range of piercings and (surprisingly) only one prominent tattoo of some kind rose on her hip bone. Usually Alice would've been courteous and said it wasn't a problem, which technically it really wasn't – the top was old and needed a wash, and the coffee wasn't that hot and her skin just felt wet. But today wasn't the day, and before she knew it tears were rolling down her cheeks and she pushed past the stranger and towards the door that had her designated number on it. Shoving the key into the latch she let the door close behind her as she threw her bag into the bed, followed by herself. Curling her knees under her chin she held herself tightly and tried to stop crying. It wasn't even a powerful sob, or some over dramatic squealing, it was as if the tears just couldn't stop. She didn't know if she ever wanted to speak to another human again or if what she wanted most was to have someone holding her. She could feel herself being pulled into a deep sleep, the mental and physical exhaustion just being too much. Slipping from consciousness she finally stopped the silent shaking that had built up in her chest and her breathing became steadied. Falling asleep she didn't dream of anything. She didn't dream of Charlie or her family or Rachel. She dreamt of nothing, and sadly it was the best night's sleep she'd ever had.

"Darling are you ready?" Andrew stood in the doorway to their bedroom in a signature black suit. He used to wear blue ones, but Rachel had always told him that the black made his eyes shine brighter or something like that .Andrew now wore black ones. Rachel hung the diamond drop earring through her ear and secured it at the back. Straightening out her chiffon red dress she stood up and gave herself one last look in the mirror. Her dark brown locks lay in perfect waves just past her shoulder, and her olive skin gleamed in the dress that was the colour of sublime crushed cherries. She smiled gently and wished one person could see her now, but her gaze turned colder as she was trying her best not to think like that. Turning around she beamed a dazzling smile to her husband, he was a good man. Not a great man, not a romance novel worthy man, but a good one. Or maybe okay most days, but today Rachel decided she'd see the best in him.

"How do I look?" she asked in that smooth voice that never failed to dazzle every theatre junkie in the world.

"Good enough to eat." He said placing a peck on her perfectly powdered cheek. "Thank you for this."

"For what?" she said a little too immediately, her chocolate eyes flashing up at him.

"For coming with me tonight."

"But I always come with you?"

"I know." He decided not to say what he wanted to. Not to really thank her. Because what he wanted to thank her for was something that the couple never really spoke about. _Thank you for pretending to love me_. it wasn't like that though. Because Andrew cared for Rachel like an old friend. He just knew he'd never be able to make her truly happy. Rachel felt a feeling of guilt as she looked into those eyes. And as she felt her phone vibrate in her clutch, knowing it was John with some news, she didn't answer. Tonight, Andrew deserved her full attention. John left a message on her phone, one that she wouldn't hear till the next day. But the next day held much more than just that voicemail.

"Rach, listen. I found her. Alice. She's in New York City. She's here."


	6. Chapter 6

Author note: I don't think there are going to be ten chapters! After this one I'm thinking there will be two or maximum three more, but then again I could always write another one to continue the story a year later if you guys like Enjoy!

(also here are some more character FC's I was thinking off:

Amy - Mila Kunis

John - Dwayne Johnson

Luke - Bryce Robinson

Katy - Eva Mendes

* * *

><p>Quinn sometimes forgot the car keys when it was time for the school run. She often forgot that Abigail in Luke's class was allergic to nuts so she couldn't put them in his birthday brownies. And she even mistook the neighbour's twins sometimes when they swapped clothes. But to this very day, Quinn knew <em>her <em>number off by heart. Every digit seemed to be engraved into her heart. Every number bringing back a splurge of memories. And the reason for Quinn sitting in front of a telephone with a glass of scotch in one hand and her heart in the other was because this was the day when she just couldn't take it anymore. In three hours she finally admitted to herself that this wasn't the woman she wanted to be, and this wasn't the life that she wanted to lead. She woke up at seven to make breakfast for her family. The bitter realisation of her failed marriage being ever more obvious as she got up from an empty bed – it was Saturday and Joe didn't work on Saturdays. He just wanted to be anywhere that wasn't here. She walked past Luke's room, a firmly closed door signalling that he didn't want pancakes or anything else from her – and then the emptiness of Alice's reminding her of how she failed her. And even when it was just the two of them, or at least it felt like that, she always looked to her. She was _so_ strong, and she kept Quinn strong. The emptiness of the bed sent a shiver down the woman's spine. This was followed by a journey to the supermarket, where Quinn was immediately met with the two glimmering brown eyes that knew her better than anyone, shining back at her from the front of _L'Amour_ magazine. The star stickers on the sale items made her sick, the vegan chocolate in the same familiar wrapper made her feel weak, and before she knew it she was racing back home and found herself here. With a glass of scotch and wondering how she could ever destroy the woman she loved so much. The woman she loves. She wondered how it must've felt like for Rachel, she wondered whether Alice wouldn't feel so alone if she'd gotten to be brought up by such a loving woman. She didn't deserve her forgiveness, she didn't deserve for her to listen as she tried to explain. Quinn didn't deserve anything from Rachel, but she knew that Rachel deserved everything from Quinn. She deserved Alice. She dialled the number and felt her stomach drop. A simple code beforehand meant her number was blocked. It rang once. It rang twice.

"Hello?" she never knew how much she missed that voice. She never really accepted how much she needed it, how it made her feel, how it was part of her. Her voice made Quinn tremble, and it made the young Quinn hate what she'd become. She held her breathe and found herself unable to speak. "I can hear you breathing, who is this?" with each word came a flood of memories. Fingers linked, lips locked, hearts pounding, the smell of sweet sunscreen on her tanned skin in the light of central park, the backstage kisses with the pounding blindness of the stage light. The promises, the secrets, the dreams. The life they never had.

"_I'm so sorry."_

* * *

><p>"Come on, open up!" the banging wouldn't stop, the drilling against the thin wooden frame of the door had filled the room for the last twenty minutes, but only then did Alice's eyes start to blur open. She stayed clutching the sheets for a while as the room started to clear and the shapes started to make sense, she took everything in and finally let out a silent sigh of relief as she remembered where she was. Looking down at herself entwined in poor quality sheets and still wearing her travelling clothes she felt deflated and exhausted, wanting nothing more than to crawl out of bed. She was certainly in no mood to be courteous to whoever was waking her up so rudely, even though the clock on the cheap bedside table beside her read it was already 9.30. Shoving the sheets off her and onto her bag she dragged herself unwillingly to the door, her annoyance building up at whoever had woke her up. Unlocking it she could hardly get a word in as the spunky girl she'd met yesterday rushed straight past her. Actually, she didn't meet her, and Alice felt a little bitter as she looked down on her top which displayed the thick brown strain gallantly. Great, she thought to herself, she doubted this place had a washing machine so it was goodbye t-shirt. She was about to close the door behind her before she remembered there was a stranger in her room, one that was probably a lunatic or some kind of drug addict. Grinding her teeth she tried to smile, however that failed and her angry side (or as her mom called it, her 'snix' side, where did she even make those things up from?) took over.<p>

"Get out" She said bluntly, crossing her arms over her chest as she stood in front of the bed, which the stranger had crawled up onto. She was holding two coffees and a pastry bag, clearly the girls chirpiness was due to a caffeine addiction. The girl didn't seem taken back, and hardly flinched.

"Chill out, Alice – I even brought donuts!" she wiggled the bag before placing it down on her bed. Alice stormed over and grabbed it, holding it in the direction of the door.

"That's great, and thanks an all – but I don't know you, so please leave." She probably looked quite the sight herself, her hair was a tangled mess of blonde and her eye make up had probably smudged incredibly. Not to mention the stain. Yep, she definitely looked homeless. Her heart sank at the thought she actually might be. No, right now she had a stranger in her room who had to leave. "Wait, how do you know my name?" she coughed out before she could rationally think about it, but before the stranger answered she'd yet to find a reasonable excuse. Though thinking that the stranger was maybe a witch didn't seem so drastic from her attire (today she went for a more blood red colour scheme, and the skirt had turned into black leather shorts). The girl beamed a smile that again seemed out of place for someone who looked like they hadn't been in the sunlight for a while.

"Because, I live here. And we rarely have someone decent or my age staying so hey I looked at the sign in book, sue me." she shrugged and said the statement as if it was obvious. Taking a sip of her cup, gripping the other from the carton and stretching it out to Alice, the smile still in place. Alice felt trapped so tried to be diplomatic. Though in her position, that was the last thing she felt like being.

"Can we meet downstairs in 30 minutes?" she needed to shower, to collect her thoughts and make a plan, because whatever her plan was it definitely didn't include this girl. She wasn't here to make friends, she wasn't here to make donuts and have pillow fights, and she definitely wasn't here to share her messed up life. The girl nodded calmly and thankfully her smile seemed to subdue a little. Leaving Alice's coffee on the table as well as the bag of donuts she walked past. There was something in her eyes that made Alice believed all she really wanted was a friend, but Alice hoped her own eyes conveyed the fact she just wasn't friend material.

"I'm Amy. And by the way, the clash is awesome." She looked at the t-shirt that had the bands earlier album cover imprinted on it, Alice couldn't help but smile, it was probably from the traumatized event of having Amy sabotage her. It was poignant too, considering her top was very much ruined.

Never the less Amy left quickly as promised, even closing the door behind her. Alice grabbed her wash bag and retired through the small door that led to the even smaller bathroom. Toilet, sink, mirror, and a minute shower - all she really needed. Slipping off her clothes she felt relieved to have the soft cool water run down the length of her spine, and she didn't see a better time to wash her hair. There was something refreshing about getting rid of all the pollen and fumes that had accumulated in her golden locks, and the familiar smell of her own shampoo made her feel like she could step out into her old bathroom. But once she'd conditioned it to a tip she quickly hopped out, she had an important phone call to make before her breakfast with Amy. Giving her hair a quick towel dry and slapping on some moisturizer she was glad to find a pair of denim shorts and an oversized white shirt in her bag, luckily she had a nude lacy bra that was pretty decent since the top was sheer, even though she hoped it didn't show off too much skin. Sliding on her ankle boots and giving her a hair a quick brush and even put some eye makeup on and looking in the mirror thought that would do, she hardly thought jewellery would be necessary so after a quick spray of deodorant she'd done all she really could. That left ten minutes to spare to call Luke.

Alice knew four things could happen after she rang the house phone. One, Luke could pick it up and all would be well in the world (this was her favourite of all scenarios but pretty unlikely since the kid didn't appreciate socially activities, even phone conversations). Two, her mom or dad would pick up, this would lead to her having to pretend to be one of Luke's friends which would then lead to them handing him the phone (this was also unlikely because as mentioned, Luke didn't really like people, especially people his age). The third one was that no one would pick up, and even though it would be disappointing Alice knew it was better than the lost possibility – mom picking up, mom tracing the phone location, mom coming here...the ripple affect continued and the only end she could really imagine would be a very much grounded self and a life that would be even more dull than it already was. She thought about it long and hard as she punched in the numbers she knew off by heart. As it began ringing, she felt a surge of nerves rush through her, she even wished she'd asked Charlie to call but she knew that would've been stupid. Before she could think about it anymore a voice picked up, and she was pretty sure she could feel her heart stop.

"Luke!" she exclaimed with relief, a little too happily sure but it was probably the only good thing that had happened since she'd left. The kiss was pretty good; actually the kiss was _really _good. Alice stopped thinking about it immediately.

"Um my mom's not here but my dad's in the garden if you want me to get him"

"No silly it's me, it's Alice!" maybe her enthusiastic tone of voice had put him off, or maybe it was so chirpy that he didn't recognize it. There was a pause on the other side of the line as he thought it through. Finally he replied with a little more confident hi, followed by questions that included where was she and why did she go. "I'm safe ok, I'm in a city – I just gotta sort some stuff out, but I got you something. You'll love it." She paused for a moment and he didn't say anything, she knew that he was a little happy, but Luke wasn't really a talker when he didn't want to. She didn't blame him, plus she didn't have time for chit chat. "Hey chicken I need you to do me a huge favour - ok?" the nickname had come from his fluff of hair, and funnily enough he'd grown to it.

"What is it?" he asked indifferently. If you weren't talking about science or history he didn't really show too much emotion.

"First can you write down the number I'm calling you from and keep it, but you have to delete it off the phone ok?" a little mm was confirmation enough. From what she'd experienced, Luke was very good at two things. Following out tasks and keeping secrets, both would come in very handy. "Then I need you to go to moms room, in her closet behind her shoes are a bunch of shoe boxes, but one of them is red – I need you to open it and find a letter that has an address on it, don't read them just search for an address...it's kind of like scrabble okay? The address is somewhere in New York. And then just call me back as soon as you can and tell me it, you can leave a message if I'm not in the room." She swallowed hard and hoped he would listen to everything she told him. A few years back their parents were convinced that Luke had autism, they were supportive, or at least mom was. Turns out he didn't, he had something else though of a similar name, it just meant that he did what he was told really well if he trusted that person. This was good for the teachers that he liked, but not so much for the ones that he didn't. Alice hoped that she'd gained his trust enough. She chewed on her bottom lip nervously as she could feel him thinking about it.

"Ok." He said confidently, and she believed he could do it.

"Thank you Luke, I'll be back soon I promise. I love you." She always told him, every chance she could get it.

"Bye Alice." She got up from the bed and was about to put the phone down. "I love you too." And that was the first time the words had ever left his mouth to anyone. Sure he hung up straight afterwards, but it didn't matter. He said it, and she knew that it was a huge step for him. He said it, and he said it to _her_. She smiled softly to herself and tried not to think how much she missed him. It was time to see what this Amy wanted.

* * *

><p>"Mmm, good morning" Rachel stretched out in the cream Egyptian cotton sheets, spreading her arm as her fingers fumbled to reach him. They patted around before she sighed and realised he wasn't there. Perching herself up on her elbows she saw a small note, and didn't bother to read it. It always read the same, <em>I had to go to the office, sorry<em>. She didn't blame him though. He wasn't there in the morning when she'd woken up early, so he shouldn't have been there then. Of course after her odd phone call all she really could do was sleep. Actually she had to check it happened and wasn't even a dream, but as she scrolled past on her phone she could see a blocked number did ring her. It couldn't have been Quinn though. She'd convinced herself of that in the dream. It just couldn't have been. As she was about to turn her phone back off she noticed another missed call, this one from the previous night. It was from John, and he'd left a message. She frowned a little to herself but settling back down into the soft touch of the pillow decided to call him back, he was up early even during weekends. Actually most days she wondered if he even slept. It only rang once.

"Did you listen to my message?" it wasn't exactly the good morning that Rachel had expected but then again John was a business only kind of guy to most people, so maybe he forgot who he was talking to – since Rachel actually considered him quite a close friend. She only really had Blaine, Kurt, John and Samantha who worked as a makeup artist at the theatre. But maybe John was friendly if you paid extra, Rachel didn't want to think about that but she was pretty sure with his frame he worked a very broad field. She blushed at the thought.

"No, but you can tell me know if you're not busy." Being a woman who liked to ask questions voice mails were never really her think. "Also can you trace blocked numbers?"

"These days it's hard without getting the feds involved. Where you threatened?" Rachel thought about it and found it tempting, but considering it was probably just a theatre junkie having bought her number through the black market and paid a years wages for it (this had happened before, she hadn't pressed charges and even had coffee with the guy) she replied with a disappointed no.

"So any news, Andrew's at the office so I'm free to talk." She explained, but felt him hitch his breathe on the other side of the line.

"Rachel who told you that." He replied in a steady tone. She double checked the note with a little confusion but was relieved to her preconceived judgement that it said he was at the office, yes she was usually very right about him.

"He left a note." She said bluntly, but John didn't say anything. "...John?"

"He's not at the office, Rach."

"That's stupid, come on the note said and who actually _wants _to go to the office this early on a saturd..." she trailed as she came to a cold realisation. The thought was heavy and too painful to fully even accept as possible.

"He's not at the office, Rachel. I'm sorry." His tone was more apologetic and she took in a shaky breathe. This had happened once before, but it was a small incident, easily mistaken. Rachel was so blind and preoccupied with Quinn that she didn't think it even mattered.

"How long has it been happening for." She asked not wanting to know the answer.

"It never stopped. I looked into it this morning. I saw him on his way to their old meeting place and then I saw Katy." The name still made her sick to her stomach. Katy Hewitt had been an intern a while ago, of course to Rachel's knowledge her husband had fired her after the affair - or misunderstanding as he called it. Clearly that hadn't made a difference. She had golden brown hair that looked silky smooth and smelt like coconut and very creamy light milk chocolate skin. She looked as if she'd stepped out of a Brazilian carnival and she dressed like it too, or at least underneath as Rachel had the misfortune of finding out since having stumbled across a certain pair of underwear in her husband's briefcase. Ironically she'd been brought up in mid-town New York all her life, and clearly had a taste for success, knowing exactly how she was planning to get that. Her name definitely didn't suit her appearance, but none of that mattered anymore.

"Is that all" she said in a composed voice, trying not to let it shake or sound weak, it wasn't even a question. If there was more, Rachel thought she just couldn't be able to handle it. It was harder to do than she thought, sound completely fine, even though she imagined she'd have enough practice having seen Quinn do it so often. John was about to tell her about Alice, but something stopped him. Maybe it was because he couldn't be sure it was actually her, and could Rachel really handle that after this low blow? Or maybe it was because having a teenage daughter himself, he knew how hard they could be. Even though his was a bit more adventurous when it came to trying new looks. And he just didn't want Rachel have to go through her rejecting her.

"Yeah. I'm heading back to my hotel now, Holly says that there's some plumbing contracts that need to be signed." Rachel thought this was a prime example of john's work spectrum, running a hotel as well as being...well whatever he was.

"Thank you, John. Really."

"Don't thank me yet."

Deleting the voicemail Rachel decided to get dressed and try to survive the day. Since she had nothing better to do and hardly wanted to attend her husband's business brunch, she thought she'd take a trip down town to visit John's hotel, since she was sure he could use a helping hand and a cup of coffee. She felt a little relieved at the prosper of an uneventful day. But what Rachel didn't know, was that today was going to be the most eventful day of her entire life.


	7. Chapter 7

Author Note: Two more chapters to go! :)

* * *

><p>"You want some coffee?" Quinn asked pouring herself a cup of the steaming black liquid and looking across her kitchen to her Husband perched at the breakfast table. He wore his usual attire, a checked shirt and jeans, his stubble was thick today and his shoes left a trail of mud even though Quinn had asked him millions of times to wipe his shoes before he came inside.<p>

"No" he waved off blankly, more concentrated on the newspaper in his hands. If you saw him you'd think he was one of those smart people who enjoy reading about the current economical crisis, but Joe couldn't pass elementary math at this age, and Quinn knew he was just making his way through the sports section and then to the comics.

"I was thinking about taking Luke up to my mom's house for a while" she mentioned calmly, her back still turned for him and facing the view outside. The street was already buzzing with housewives in jogging kits and little children playing with bikes and toys. She chewed her bottom lip nervously. She knew that she wanted nothing more than to get Alice back, but at the same time she didn't blame her for not wanting to return to this environment. She knew she was in New York, she knew she was trying to find Rachel – and at the same time her pride wouldn't let her help and she knew it was wrong to try and stop her. She was stuck. Maybe finding a way to tell her she's at Judy's house would make her more likely to come home, and then again, maybe not. She felt the bags under her eyes grow tired and her throat felt sore and scratched. She wanted to do the right thing, but she didn't even know what that was. There were nights she just thought about packing up and leaving Joe forever, but she'd already done that. She had Luke to think about too – it wasn't fair on him. There were other nights where she hated herself for being so obsessed with it all, why couldn't she just accept this was her life and she was lucky to have it? Maybe because the few years with Rachel had made 'this' life unbearable, it was like being dead. Being with Rachel made her alive. Joe looked up, Quinn could hear the chair creaking under his large build and the newspaper being shoved aside. He left out a groan of a sigh.

"No" he said bluntly, and Quinn turned around to face him, leaning against the sink. Her eyes trailed up to his and she was glad they couldn't talk, even though Joe (though hardly intelligent) probably knew very well what they were saying. _Let me go. _"You know why, too." He added, maybe a little more sympathetically. He ripped off a piece of his croissant and turned back to his paper. Because it was a rhetorical question, of course Quinn knew why. Because the last time she did that with Alice she never came back, or at least tried not to. Why couldn't he stand the thought of her being happy? The idea of how he reacted when he found out her and Rachel were in love made Quinn sick. The names he called her, how he grabbed Alice when she was screaming for mommy that was Rachel (Quinn got the mother southern version of momma), how he said it was just a phase she was going through. If Luke hadn't been born she'd try again, but she still felt blessed to have him.

"I'm going to my mom's, and I'm taking Luke with me." she slammed down her mug and marched through the kitchen, boy did that catch Joe off guard. Before he could even open his mouth the blonde was making their way up to her bedroom and packing her bag. She noticed Luke hovering by the doorway, sticking close to it in his light blue t-shirt and smart jeans.

"Are you leaving me" he asked with a blank expression, his large eyes looking straight at Quinn. She took a deep breath; it was time to finally be a good mother.

"Go and pack your books, we can share one suitcase" she said softly, she thought that he might cry and protest, but then Luke's eyes lit up like she'd never seen before, and the widest smile sprawled across his face. Before she could say another word he was already bringing up a pile of close and adjusting his rucksack across his back. Her eyebrows rose curiously.

"I keep it packed just in case, it's got all my favourites in" he said with a proud smile as he presented her with the various pairs of folded shirts and trousers, throwing in his toothbrush with his other hand. "How long are we staying at grandma's?" he asked with an optimistic glow.

"Oh, we're not going to grannies just yet. First stop, New York City." And just when Quinn thought she'd never seen him smile so widely, he showed her all three missing teeth in one huge grin.

* * *

><p>"Amy...your memory's...god it's incredible" Alice turned the next page delicately and took another sip of her coffee as the two girls sat on the couch in the lobby. She was still trying to soak in all the information the girl had told her in the last twenty minutes. Alice found out that Amy's dad owned the hotel, and she'd grown up here all her life (her technical house and bedroom was the whole top floor penthouse which she kindly offered to show afterwards). Her mom had died during child birth and Amy had never really fitted into school, she was home schooled by the hotels version of a banker, which meant Holly wasn't the only one working there (Alice also found out that there were other employees of course). She said that the lady in charge of all the money had home schooled her since she was a little girl, and when Amy was sixteen she finally got to do her passion of painting and is opening up a studio a little downtown with the help of Holly. She told Alice that she didn't have much to do growing up since she didn't go to school so friends were kinda rare, she entertained herself mostly by drawing and her garden which was on the roof (which she also offered to show but at this stage Alice had no idea why the girl was telling her all of this, it probably came from the no friends thing). She also said she spent a lot time talking to the guests, and just looking through the sign in book and wondering what the people were like and what their life stories were. Alice tried not to be judgemental, she was pretty sure even though she wasn't a party animal that she had a much better childhood than Amy, even though living in a hotel (even if it wasn't in exactly the best part of town) seemed pretty...interesting. she couldn't really imagine Amy running around with a bow in her head like <em>Eloise<em>, a story her mom used to read to her. Amy then brought out a book, which Alice soon found out was the signing book, but one of the older ones from about ten years ago. It had a little dust on it but not enough to cause a mess. This was when Amy flicked to the date June 22nd, 12 years ago. Amy pointed at a name half way down with a proud smile, she mentioned something about having a great tact for remembering things since her dad was good at that sort of thing, she didn't say anything about his actual job though. But Alice didn't really have time to concentrate, what she was reading was her moms name – and her own, signing into this hotel for one night. She'd shown Alice out of pure coincidence, she just thought it was neat. But something in Alice was desperately lonely, and she could use a friend or more importantly a stranger to share her problem with. It took about five minutes to explain Amy everything, and she partly regretted it. There wasn't anything she could know though.

"Thanks, like I said – got my dad to thank for that." Alice smiled back at the girl, still trying to figure out what that meant. So her mom and her were in New York, which just confirmed her suspicions about the connection to Rachel. It was reassuring, but unless Rachel's address was printed somewhere in the book she really didn't think she had enough time to think about it anymore. "Speak of the devil" Amy said with a slight roll of the eyes, but it wasn't directed at Alice, it was directed to the man slowly walking towards them. Amy's dad was incredibly tall, he had to clear six and half feet at least. He was broad shouldered too, as well as pretty muscular (though his conservative shirt and trousers hid it pretty well, considering the heat she admired him and tugged down on her daisy dukes a little bit). He and a handsome face and light caramel skin, he was Caucasian but there was definitely something a little tropical about him, the same went for Amy. The girl jumped up with more delight than Alice expected someone with black lipstick to have as she threw her arms (with some difficulty) around the man's neck. He smiled politely and held her for a moment, but from his body language Alice could tell he wasn't really a touchy feely man, maybe him and her dad could be friends. She shrugged and thought about smiling politely at him, but then again she was probably just another guest in his hotel to him. She looked back down at the book and tried to avoid awkward eye contact.

"Dadster, I want you to meet my friend, Allie." Ok, she definitely was an only child with little friends, the girls had only known each other for a day, less than that (and most of it had included Alice being furious at her). But she didn't want to burst her bubble and confess that feelings weren't mutual, beside she felt pretty special about potentially being Amy's first and only friend. She liked her too, and she had pretty much just told her her life story - though she still missed her t-shirt. She sighed silently and missed her washing machine. Yep, you can't fully take the south out of the girl. She mentally slapped herself for the thought; she was in New York city for crying out loud. She would have happily continued thinking about the plans for her day but unfortunately Amy's dad was walking straight towards her, a formal smile on his lips and his hand extended. Alice awkwardly rose and knew there wasn't time to yank her shorts down so they weren't so short, but before she had the chance she shook his hand as she was meant to.

"Nice to meet you, sir." She didn't know his name, and she didn't want to make conversation. But he kept on looking weirdly at her, more like staring; it was as if he was taking in her every feature. She smiled nervously and hoped that there wasn't more to Amy needing to be home schooled, she shook the judgmental thought out of her mind.

"John." He said with a nod, letting go off her hand. "How long you visiting New York for?" he asked with more intent in his voice than just polite chit chat. Amy looked a little deflated by the fact he guessed Alice was staying at the hotel, but was more interested in the rose nail art that glittered her fingers. Alice didn't blame her.

"Two days, it's a short trip." _Just like I hope this conversation is._

"That's not enough to get a feel for the city surely, if that is what you are here for?" Alice shrugged and disliked the tone in his voice, it was unreadable and she didn't really know what he was up to.

"No, it's just for me. I've been here before" she lied confidently, a southern smile gracing her lips, unfortunately this only made him more curious.

"Oh really?" he looked as if he was about to say something else but then stopped himself, Amy was staring at him intently, her eyes were beautifully big but her gaze was unmistakingably menacing.

"Dad, Alice has important things to do and you shouldn't be distracting her from them" she said through her teeth with a knowing smile and half wink towards Alice. She just blushed awkward and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Yep, she was pretty sure Amy would tell this secret to someone soon enough. She was partially comforted by the fact that she probably didn't have anyone to tell. She mentally slapped herself again; maybe the whole situation was making her cranky. John nodded and excused himself; he walked over to the front desk and looked like he was desperately trying to make a phone call. "So you need any help with...stuff?" Amy asked. Alice just shook her head.

"No, I'm going to go see if my brother got the address, and then I guess I'll take it from here. But thanks, Amy. You've been a really helpful friend." Just as she was about to turn to make her way up the stairs Amy grabbed her hand.

"I didn't want to show you it because I didn't think it was important...plus I'd thought you'd think I'm a bit weird." She confessed with a silent nervous laugh, though there was deep sincerity in her piercing eyes. "I think I need to show you something" she said with a slight gulp, taking Alice by the hand towards the elevator. The journey to the top floor was down in a haze of silence, and Alice couldn't be more relived as finally the doors open. Amy was right; it did look like a normal apartment. It seemed like two rooms had been knocked down to make space for an open plan kitchen and living room, which was cosy enough. There were four dears leading off from the corridor, Quinn made a wild guess that one was John's room, the other Amy's, the third the bathroom and the fourth...well John looked like someone who had an office. She put her money on an office. "I have cats too, but they're in the garden." She pointed to a door Alice hadn't seen in the kitchen, it lead out to the balcony or in this case the rooftop. She followed Amy to the second door that was, like Alice had suspected, her room. She wasn't sure if she'd expected some kind of vampire dungeon, but what she was met with definitely wasn't that. It was...light. the wall were white and there was a lot of artwork on the walls, photographs and paintings and sketches, it looked like a studio and had a large desk, or work place on one side, and a very comfy modern bed on the other. It smelt like violets and oak, It also had a huge window to the rooftop and a skyline of the city. Yes, it may not have been in a good location, but this was definitely a room with a view. Instead of saying anything Amy sank to her knees and pulled out a box from under her bed. Opening up the plain cardboard Alice was a little confused as to the contents. There were notes and bracelets and buttons and keys and hair scrunchies and even some face cream.

"What is all this..." she said apprehensively, deciding not to join her new friend on the hard wood floor. Amy didn't notice and continued rummaging until she pulled out a piece of paper near the bottom, it was folded in half. She handed it to Alice.

"People forget stuff when they leave hotels. It inspires a lot of my art work. I think this one belong to you, I think Holly gave it to me around the time when you and your mom checked in. I don't think she left it on purpose but I don't know." That's all that Alice heard, but Amy continued talking. Instead she couldn't stop starring at what was in her hands. It wasn't a piece of paper at all, it was a photograph. In the picture was a very beautiful blonde, she had short hair though. She was laughing and she had one arm around another young woman. it was a candid shot so she probably didn't even know it was being taken. She certainly wasn't looking at the camera, she was looking at the young woman like there was nothing else in the world that mattered. It was her mom. It was Quinn. The woman next to her made Alice's breath hitch. It was like someone from your dream suddenly being real. In dreams everything's blurred and distorted, but here as clear as ice was the woman who used to sing to her. She was holding the other girl with one arm and resting her head on her shoulder, but in her other arm she was holding very carefully an extremely happy four year old. Alice's own eyes shone back at her even though the photo was black and white. Her eyes immediately returned to looking at Rachel. She had glossy brown hair, it was thick and straight – or at least it looked brown, she hoped she was right. She had a fringe that suited her perfectly, and beautiful bone structure. She had a prominent nose and two shining eyes with thick eyelashes. A beaming smile radiated down at the little girl in her hands.

"I'm not leaving till I find her." Alice choked back tears. "Ever."

"Surprise!" Rachel smiled in her periwinkle blue rain coat as she placed two coffees on the reception desk. "So I know you take your coffee black but hey I thought you deserved a treat, it's a caramel mocha with vanilla syrup, Kurt says it's great and if they used Vegan friendly chocolate I'd definitely try some but-" Rachel stopped herself with a faint blush as the tall man stared back at her sceptically. Sometimes she got like this when she was nervous, she just couldn't stop talking. She got so emotional and it was like she was in high school again. But she didn't really have anyone in that moment, she didn't have Kurt and Blaine, she sure as hell didn't have Quinn, she probably would never have Alice and now she didn't even have Andrew. Yes, John would be getting very annoyed with her. Somehow Rachel couldn't imagine him crawling in bed with her in his jammies and being prepared to watch the Wizard Of Oz eight times. He stared back at her, not as sympathetically as she'd hoped he would, but it was refreshing.

"Rachel" He said in a clear tone.

"Oh stop it, I know you look hard and mighty on the outside but come on who doesn't like a little bit of a sugar here and then...except for cows you know, did you know than an average cow's lifetime is cut in half at least due to over milking?" his expression didn't change and Rachel felt embarrassed all over again. She just wanted to disappear. Or be on stage. Actually, this was probably the first time in her life that she didn't want to be. She wouldn't have minded looking through old photos of her performing though. Her spirits sank as she took a sip of her own soya latte. "Sorry. I'll just get black next time." She said looking up to him with hopeful eyes. Hopefully he wouldn't think she was hitting on him.

"Rachel, stop." He said in a serious tone.

"You don't have to be mad" she glared back innocently.

"Just stop talking for a second."

"Ok."

"Ok?"

"_Ok_."

He took her drink away from her which resulted in a confused expression, her eyebrows furrowing in despair. He placed both hands on her shoulder and looked down at her, trying to look her in the eye.

"She's here." He said in a tone similar to a human telling a dog to sit, well maybe less severely, but he definitely wanted to get the point across without any misconceptions. Rachel's confused expression didn't really help. Drawing in a sharp breathe he composed himself and looked again, ignoring the smiling flirty look of approval he was getting on his interaction with Rachel from Holly in the office, he wished she'd just close the door. "Rachel, Alice is here." Well, he definitely got the reaction he was looking for, and he was mighty glad that he'd taken the drink out of her hand. At first it was still sinking in, then he was sure she was losing some colour to her skin, and then he held on to her just that little tighter because she felt weak. Then she started smiling. At first it was small, subtle and still unbelieving, then the smile erupted into a grin that was full of – hope. Her eyes shone brightly up at him in both amazement and confusion.

"How?" she felt like a teenager all over again, receiving her NYADA acceptance letter, running into Quinn's arms as she did. John held back a chuckle, he wasn't one that often chuckle but there was no mistaking a smile on his mouth.

"I don't know, but it looks like she came to find you." He said earnestly with a shrug, letting go of her shoulders. Rachel's smile was radiant, but then it dropped like a pin. Her expression turned to a mixture of both hope and dread, but underneath it all was yearning.

"Is she here too..." she asked a little quieter looking up into his eyes. He shook his head solemnly and Rachel nodded. This wasn't time for her to mull over her heartbreak. Quinn was the love of her life, but Alice was the light of it. "Oh but I'm not dressed right" she shimmied off her coat and thrusted it into John's unprepared arms, he caught it and tried his best to fold it with his bear hands. She straightened out her red cardigan that covered a short nude dress. The cardigan was hardly necessary in this heat, but since there was a downfall of summer rain she felt funny putting a raincoat over bare shoulders. She straightened out its pleats and matted down her chestnut hair. She felt anxious and was sure her heart would just explode out of her chest any minute. John signalled Holly (who of course was eves dropping) to get her a glass of water. "John what do I even _begin_ to say..."

"Just tell her everything you've ever wanted too. Explain."

"I can't. I can _hardly_ understand it all myself - let alone make sense of it to someone else" her face danced around in expression, her forehead creasing in worry. "Maybe you could talk to her before?" he just shook his head and she sighed deeply rubbing her temples and trying to organise her thoughts.

"You can do this Rachel, she's _your_ daughter too." His voice was strong and comforting.

"You're right, I guess...She's all I ever wanted, and I loved her so much, I do love her. I never meant for this to happen, I wish I had fought harder for her, I wish I could have watched her grow up...I just wish I could tell her _so _much" she shrugged exasperated.

There was a much needed moment of silence in the room. That was until a little voice behind John spoke up.

"Tell me what?" Alice asked her mom with a half smile.


	8. Chapter 8

Author Note: One more to go! And I'm sorry for the ending.

* * *

><p>"I'm not mad at you..." Alice said comfortingly as she sat perched next to Rachel in her plush uptown apartment. Sure she'd been looking around a lot when she first came on, but that had been over an hour ago. Rachel had told her everything, and Alice felt both relieved and disheartened at the fair share of information she got given. But through the cries of happiness and cold silences Rachel never seemed to stop apologizing, which Alice thought was preposterous considering it was Quinn who should be the one apologizing. She tried not to feel angry towards her mom, bitter and resentful for the actions that she made, but she just couldn't help it. Either way Rachel had told her everything there was to know, except when she asked who Beth was, Rachel said it's better if her mom told her that part.<p>

"Then that's all I can ask for" Rachel said with a grin, her eyes a little red from holding back the tears. She linked Alice's hand with hers and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "God I remember when you were just a little girl, you made me sing to you _all _the time, and I would. And I'd take you to my rehearsals and you'd be my good luck charm, and look at you now." Alice shook her head with a chuffed blush, she hardly thought she was anything to be proud of. "So, tell me about yourself. I want to know everything" she said with that dazzling smile as they lounged on the sofa.

"Well there isn't really much to say" she shrugged modestly "I really like photography, and writing. But apart from that I'm nothing really special...I can't sing like you that's for sure" Rachel's eyes perked up curiously "I remember you singing to me" she confirmed with a smile before continuing. "I have a little brother, he's called Luke." She added with a softer grin thinking about the little kid.

"It was Quinn's favourite boy's name" Rachel said recalling the memory. Even though Alice technically knew what happened between them, it was still hard for her to see why Quinn did the things she did. She guessed it was hard for Rachel too. "So, any special guy or girl in your life?" she cooed with a nudge and a chuckle. Alice liked this. just acting normal with her, it was weirdly natural, but then again of course it was, she felt like she was her mom. She shook her head and then paused.

"Well...there's this _one _guy, but I don't know, it all seems kind of sudden."

"All the best things are."

"I just don't want to get ahead of myself. " she said drawing in a sharp breath. Rachel nodded.

"See, you're a lot smarter than me already." Alice grinned proudly but knew that wasn't true, she felt anything but smart over the last few days. She felt another un-awkward yet persistent silent grow. She knew she had to ask the question. Actually she wanted nothing else than to spend a life time on this sofa with Rachel eating her cute vegan chocolate, but the question had to be said, and the answer had to be resolved.

"...Rachel?" She plucked up the courage and the beautiful brunette looked at her "So what happens now?" maybe Rachel had been thinking the same thing, but as the words left Alice's mouth the woman sighed and took a sip of her herbal tea that was perched dangerously on the white leather. After a moment of thinking, and a lot of anticipation for Alice, she finally spoke.

"Well I think that's up to you, Allie. But either way, Quinn's your mom and Joe's your dad, and until next year you still need to accept that." She shook her head and rephrased. "I don't know your dad, but your mom, don't be mad at her. This isn't her fault. She loves you so much Alice, so much...and I know that she didn't want things to turn out like this. So you cant be mad at her either, okay?" she spoke softly and kindly but Alice nodded, maybe she was right, but the look in her eye told her more than she asked. Rachel was still very much in love with Quinn. And Alice had only seen that look once before, in her own mothers eyes. Alice wanted to ask whether she could live with her, but she knew that was just too much. Maybe Rachel couldn't have a kid to deal with right now, even if that kid was hers, well sort of. Plus she had school, and Luke, and her mom. She wasn't going to leave her there. She wished there was an easy way out of this, but there really wasn't.

"I just don't know what to do. I fucked up." She mumbled quietly, not having the confidence to look the woman in the eye.

"Listen to me, you certainly did not. I'm going to be here for you now, no matter what, okay? And tomorrow I'm taking you to Columbia and NYC because I happen to know they have great photography courses you can take. If that's what you want of course." The idea exploded in Alice's mind and she knew that there wasn't anything she wanted more, the smile brightened on Rachel's as she read the young girls expression. "Maybe this lover boy of yours can visit too" she teased with a side smile.

"I have to call mo-Quinn now don't I..."

"You can still call her mom Al, because this doesn't change the fact she is your mom. You used to call me mommy and her momma when you were little but you call me whatever you want you hear? I actually like Rach a lot though" she smiled supportively but then nodded with a sterner expression "but yes, you need to call her." Alice groaned and fell back on the soft coach. It's not that she didn't miss or want to speak to Quinn, it's just she didn't know how she was going to react. She didn't want her to shout at Rachel and she didn't want to be dragged back to the middle of nowhere with the possibility of having this amazing woman stripped from her life. A thought speeded into Alice's mind and she hardly had time to think before she splurged it out.

"I just want to know more about you, I want to know you so much" she confessed. Rachel tucked a strand of the blondes hair behind her ear and smiled sadly.

"You can ask me anything you like. But between you and me, I've kept a diary ever since the day I arrived in New York with your mom. You can read it, it's under my pillow" she scoffed lightly at her school girl ways but Alice glanced back appreciatively. "But you still have to call your mom now" she reminded with a knowing look. Alice rolled her eyes but nodded in agreement, pulling out her phone from her bag she'd run up and got from her room (she also had hugged Amy and taken her number, promising to definitely stay in touch. Okay fine, so maybe the girl was even more awesome than Alice had expected. Actually, she was really awesome). Dialling her home number she lay her head on Rachel's shoulder and wished her heart stopped pounding so hard with nerves. Someone picked up.

"Mom listen, don't shout okay?" she said before anyone could speak. An odd grizzly man's voice answered, one that definitely did not belong to her dad.

"Hello dear." The voice on the other side was definitely not her moms. Alice's eyes turned widely round in confusion but she sighed silently in relief as she recognized it to be an old lady, Mrs Hunt from next door. Still didn't explain what she was doing in her house though.

"Mrs Hunt, um what's going on? Could I speak to my mom?" she asked hesitantly, Rachels eyes looked curious and asked silently if things were okay, Alice just nodded a little subdued as she waited for an answer.

"Oh well you see I was on my way to return Luke's ball that had gotten into my backyard, I have a new rose bush you know and it's so rare, Nancy Carpenter even said that it was the rarest rose bush she'd ever seen which is mighty kind of her but having seen the Newberry's I know that just couldn't be true" this went on for a bit, and even though Alice had the temptation of rudely (or not so considering the circumstances) interrupting her she really didn't have the heart. Surely her story must lead to a point eventually? "And so I came up your porch steps, which mind you really need a fixing dear there are weeds sprouting everywhere, well there's only two but I know your momma would be as mad as July rain if she saw. Because I saw her leave earlier on with Luke when I was watering my shrubs you see" Alice tried her hardest to butt in the, because frankly the thought of her mom and Luke leaving somewhere sent her whole nervous system into panic, but there just wasn't any chance of stopping an old lady on a roll. "And then I knock on the door but how-de-do it's left open! And you remember the thief stories last May so I don't think it's a good idea, anyways I come inside not to have a snoop you hear me but just to see if everything's alright with your pa and he wasn't anywhere to be found. And I found a note on the kitchen table and I know I shouldn't have looked at it and I tell you Alice I wasn't having no snoop, but it sure did look suspicious so I thought the robbers from last May had left a note but it was your dads writing, I know this because-"

"Mrs Hunt, _please" _she snorted on the other line and mumbled something about youths these days but none the less seemed to have cut her story.

"He aint coming home kid." She said with a sigh and some 'tsk' noises. Alice didn't speak, she was a little too phased. Mrs Hunt took her silence as a chance to continue. "Lemme read you the note dear!" there was some sort of rustling on the other side and then she cleared her throat. "Quinn, I'm sorry. I guess things just didn't work out, I did love you though, I promise you that. Left money in bank. Dirty shirt in washer. The milk is off too. Best of luck."

"He wrote that..."

"Yes hold on there's something for you too. "Alice, you're a good kid and you're a looker, do good, love from Pa. And then there's something for Luke but I'm pretty sure it just says Son I hope you become a man." Her nonchalant tone seemed odd and chilling.

"You don't think..." Alice had never been close with her dad. She often despised him for his lack of interest and compassion to his son, and his rude language and manners. She hated how he treated her mom and the way he just didn't appreciate her and all the times he screamed at her and that one time he hit her. But she didn't want him to kill himself. She didn't want anyone too.

"Oh no dear! He's gone to Arkansas with his company." Alice nodded to herself.

"Thanks Mrs Hunt. If you could just lock up with your spare key I'm sure someone will be back soon." She wasn't about to ask her not to tell the neighbours, I'm sure they were having a field day. just as she was about to hang up she remembered something "My mom and Luke, did they tell you where they were going?"

"Oh no Hun, they just got into a taxi with a suitcase. They didn't tell me."

"It's fine. Don't worry" Alice lied through her teeth, feeling yet again a deep sense of distance from everything.

"But she did tell Patty Heck who was walking out to get the mail just as she left, they're going to New York! How excit-" the phone cut off as the battery died. In one tedious phone call conversation Alice had learnt that the remaining marriage between her mom and dad was definitely over, and he was probably not going to be a part of her life anymore. She didn't know how to feel about that just yet. What more, her mom was coming here. She didn't know if she would be mad, she didn't know if she'd be happy. But all Alice knew was that something had better start making sense soon. She needed normality. But for now staying on the couch with Rachel and listening to her stories and just letting her hug her was more than enough. It was perfect.

* * *

><p>"So let me get this straight, you loved Rachel and she loved you, but you left her?" the young boy looked up quaintly at his mom as they rode in the back of the humid taxi.<p>

"Yes. But, I still love her." Luke's eyes glowed in wonder, but a smile quickly followed. He recalculated something on his fingers and started again. "You think that's ok?"

"That you still love her? Of course. Love doesn't die, not like bugs and stuff."

"And that we're both girls?"

"Why would that matter...love is love no matter what" he replied bluntly a little confused to why she asked in the first place "But then did you marry dad because you loved him?" Luke asked with a tone of astonishment and doubt. Quinn shook her head disappointed in herself.

"I married him because I felt...you know when you set your day out and you know you just have to do certain things?" Luke nodded, he loved schedules "And then you end up doing some amazing and out of the blue and it's the most fun you've ever had, but you still think you need to the other boring stuff you planned out?" He nodded again completely understanding "Even though the thing didn't seem boring in the morning because you hadn't had a go at the fun thing. Well, I thought I needed to do the boring thing. I thought the boring thing was right even though it felt wrong. I was wrong." She explained looking down at her hands and her now wedding free finger.

"So you came back with Alice when she was an incy baby but then why did you leave when she was a bit bigger?"

"Because I was scared. I know it might seem hard to understand, but maybe you will when you're older" she ruffled his hair lovingly and looked down at him with pride, but he just shook his head.

"No I get it. Little kids are hard to look after, I watched a documentary and they scream a lot. Plus I bet little Alice screamed even more than normal little children. And she had two mommies, and not a lot of people have two mommies so you weren't sure it'd be ok. Even though I think having two mommies is great since it means two people get to make you breakfast." Quinn smiled in agreement and chuckled silently to herself, the innocence of the little boy she loved so dearly was refreshing. And she was glad he'd finally opened up to her."But that's not the only reason you went back?" he persisted curiously yet indifferently.

"No, your dad he wanted me back, well Alice back. And I didn't want to lose her. And I guess some part of me still somehow thought it should do the boring thing. I lied to Rachel though."

"You did?" his eyes were full of despair behind his little glasses. "What did you tell her?"

"I told her I didn't love her anymore" she said trying not to let her voice break, holding in the tears that threatened to flow.

"Oh...but you did it because you did love her right?" Quinn nodded and he seemed settled on the idea. "And then you had me and you didn't show the letters to Alice because you didn't want to hurt her." Quinn nodded again. "Ok. I understand now." He said with a shrug and sat down against the warm black leather of the cab.

"You don't think I'm a bad person?" she asked quietly.

"I think you did some bad things." He stretched out his hand and patted hers. "But that doesn't make you a bad person." He half smiled a little. "So what are we gonna do next?"

"Well. I'm going to see Rachel, and I'm going to try to fix things the best I can. And then I'm going to talk to both her and Alice, and decide what's best for Alice. Then we're going to spend some time at grannies whilst we find an apartment, and after the fall we'll move into our new house wherever you like"

"New York?" Luke's face lit up as he tapped the window as the skyline came into view, it seemed he'd chosen his place to live. Just like Rachel had so long ago. Quinn looked into those bright eyes and pressed her lips together, patting his hand back.

"New York."

* * *

><p>"So mom was actually in glee club? God I don't think I've ever heard her sing!" Alice confessed taking another chunk of some homemade vegan brownies Rachel had brought out (she also confessed it was Quinn's recipe just for her).<p>

"Yes, she has a beautiful voice. You make sure to ask her to sing to you."

"You can too if you like." Alice shrugged and averted her attention back to Wizard of Oz that was playing on the large tv. She could feel Rachel looking at her.

"Alice, your moms made it perfectly clear that whatever we have...we don't anymore." She stroked her arm soothingly. "And I'm sorry about your dad, but just because we're technically both single now, it doesn't mean that..."

"Doesn't mean you're still in love?"

"No. It doesn't mean that we can just be together. It's hard to explain. But Alice, no matter what. I love you. Wherever you are, just remember that." Alice looked back at her and smiled softly, replying that she loved her too. And it was true. But maybe Rachel was right , maybe her and Quinn just weren't practical - she just wasn't sure. There was a knock on the door and Rachel swung her feet off the leather and stretched as she stood up. "That'd be the take out guy" she smiled down at Alice, it made her glow of happiness when they both liked the same Chinese food, it was silly, but it just made Rachel ecstatic. She opened the door expecting to find a man in a fried chicken outfit, instead the love of her life stared straight back at her. The silence was thin as ice.

Alice watched from the couch with wide eyes, but seeing Luke next to her she quickly called him over. She smiled awkwardly at her mom that was behind her mom (starting to think the whole mommy/momma thing was a genius idea and made a note to thank the five year old Alice) and rushed Luke through the apartment (which she'd found out belongs entirely to Rachel and not her cheating husband) and definitely thought the two woman needed some time alone.

"Hello, Rachel."

"Quinn..." she said in an almost whisper, neither taking their eyes of one another's, locked in an attraction that nothing seemed to tear apart. "How did you find me?"

"John." She paused and couldn't help but melt into those chocolate eyes."You haven't changed a bit" Quinn said with a dry laugh that caused a sharp pain in her throat, she could feel her eyes begin to sting as she gazed at the lips that had kissed hers, the fingers that had held hers, the eyes that had made her believe that maybe love wasn't just a contract made in the state of Georgia.

"You have. We both have." Rachel said in a tone that was attempting to be composed. But every time she looked into those hazel eyes every moment and memory they ever shared punched her in the stomach like a shock of electrocution. The choir room, the hospital, graduation. The pain threatened to tear him apart. "Alice is beautiful."

"She has your smile"

"She can't"

"But she does" Quinn replied just as quickly. And maybe in some odd way Rachel had seen it herself, but thought her imagination was just playing tricks on her. "_I'm so sorry for everything_" she said as a stale tear dribbled down her marble cheek. The others seemed to stream at such a velocity that she looked like a painting, her eyes still and lips still, pearls just trickling down the alabaster curve.

"What do you want me to say, Quinn?"

"I don't expect you to forgive me." she muttered scraping away the tears violently with the corner of her cardigan.

"Good, because for a long time I really didn't think I ruined it, you ruined _everything_, I gave you everything and you just _ruined_ it. You took Alice and with that you took any chance I had of having a normal life, you're selfish and impatient and you lied to me and you made me believe that you loved me and you didn't and you played me Quinn, you played me like you promised you never would and that isn't fair because I love you so damn much you-" Quinns cold lips pressed onto Rachel's and with a sigh her body relaxed and rolled into the kiss. Her fingers trailing the cheeks she'd missed so much. Her nose pressed against the one that she couldn't wait to have. She never stopped wanting every piece of Quinn Fabray, but it certainly was in a different way than she first thought. "You can't just kiss it better, let me finish." She didn't let go of her hand though, which was firmly linked with hers, they fitted together perfectly. "And I know you're never going to believe me, but I do forgive you because I know you and I want you. I want us. And I need us because that is the only hope either of us of being happy. I don't want to spend another day in this life, even in New York without my Quinnie" Quinn rested her forehead against Rachel's and shook her head. "No you listen to me Miss Fabray, we've been through hell and back and now you better believe me when I say I want to start fresh. With you. Only with you"

"Your dream is to make it in Broadway." Quinn persisted only inches apart, it was as if they were eighteen again.

"We're not kids anymore Q, I _made _it in Broadway. Now I want to make it with you."

"But Luke..."

"I'll love him like my own, because to me he is. Quinn I never stopped loving you, and even though it killed me when I found out you lied, I was so happy that you had a shot of having the life you deserved." She drew in a sharp breathe and tugged at her fingers. "But we deserve each other." Quinn's eyebrow raised a little but then settled down, there was no fighting with Rachel today. "I love you Quinn. You're my one. I'm going to the grocery store and we're going to cook dinner with Luke and Alice and we're going to talk about how we're going to make this family work. Because we will." She shrugged and pulled her closer, her smell lingering on Rachel's as she squeezed her eyes tightly.

"You're my one too." Quinn whispered back as she held the lady of her life in a lock. Rachel let go and with a deep breath grabbed her purse and turned to the door, just as she shut it she caught Quinn's eye. The look that was theirs to keep. Their secret from the world. Just one look was more than all the 'I love you's' in the word.

Rachel closed the door, and neither had been this happy for a long time. But Quinn didn't know that would be the last time she would see Rachel Berry. And Rachel didn't know that soon her last breathe would come.


	9. Chapter 9

"Need help with the tea?" Alice asked as she leaned back on the counter that fitted into Rachel's kitchen so perfectly. It felt like she'd stepped inside of one of those home magazines, and even though the space was amazing, it still had a cosy feel to it. She smiled softly as she watched Quinn pour the milk in steadily, there was a certain look in her eyes and twitch in her lips that Alice had never seen before, she knew what it was of course. It was happiness.

"No I'm okay, but maybe you could check on Luke?" She said before plumping up her bun for a moment and then continueing with making the teas, she hesitated for a moment and looked up "This is a huge change, and a lot to take on board. I just want to do whats best for all of us" she continued cleaning the surface after she finished. It was probably the routine of something so simple which Quinn enjoyed, as it allowed her to think about the events that had just passed. Okay, Alice admitted to herself that she didn't think eeves dropping was appropriate, but the conversation shared with Rachel and Quinn had definitely been a worthy ear to the door moment in her books. "Maybe you should check on Luke though" she said with a grin as she got out pieces of shortbread to line the plate already layered with sweet treats. With a nod Alice trotted off to find her brother, the apartment had two spare bedrooms besides the master as well as an office and a dining room, even though the open plan kitchen and living room had a perfectly adequate breakfast table set in Alice's opinion. Creaking open the office she found Luke's nose nuzzled into a book, to no surprise of course.

"What are you reading?" she asked curiously before going over to join him on the plush cream carpet, he turned the cover to her view as explanation. Yep, it was something Alice definitely hadn't heard of. She wondered whether she'd live here, and if Luke would live here too, but she decided she wouldn't get too excited because in live you never know what's waiting for you around the corner. "Hey how about we go get some tea, Rachel will be back any minute now" she said kindly taking the moment to lean back against the book case, she hadn't realised how tired and sore she was till now, maybe the bed wasn't as comfy as she thought it was.

"I don't like tea.." Luke said bluntly with a shrug.

"I thought you liked pretending you were English?"

"Yeah but I also _pretend _to drink tea" he persisted with wide blue eyes. Alice chuckled defeatedly.

"Ok, chocolate?"  
>"She's only got vegan, I already checked."<br>"Then how about we pop into the convenience store next door? I bet they have twizzlers" she said in a tempted voice. She was pretty persistent on doing anything to cheer him up.  
>"Okay fine, but only water melon."<br>"Water melon it is" she said with a proud smile of acomplishmenet.

Pulling herself up she helped up Luke as well, after he reluctantly dropped his book. Scuttling through the kitchen Alice grabbed a five dollar note from her pocket and yanked her hair up into a high pony tail.

"Mom I'm just going out with Luke to get some candy ok?" she dropped quickly as Luke hovered by the open apartment door unpatiently, Alice smirked at him but waited for her mom to answer. She placed the last raspberry on top of a cupcake that she probably baked earlier and looked up.

"Can you wait a second?" she said smoothly, with an almost apologetic smile. It seemed like she was only talking to Alice so Alice herself signalled for Luke to wait a moment, he seemed to skip off some direction but she knew he wouldn't go further than the corridor. "Yeah mum what's up?" she asked leaning over the counter and stealing a raspberry quickly before popping it into her mouth.

"I'm sorry" she said sincerely, looking into her daughters eyes calmly. Alice couldn't read the expression on Quinn, and she hardly recognized it. But she could see that it was taking a lot of composure for her not to cry, which definitely took Alice back.  
>"For what?" She replied quietly, a little hesitant for what she was about to hear even though she guessed she knew the answer already. She actually felt like she'd been waiting for this apology for a life time.<br>"I was so god damn wrong to have kept this from you, kept everything from you. I should've trusted you Alice, I shouldn't have controlled your life and I _know _ what I did to Rachel was unforgivable but I shouldn't have stopped you from letting her know you and you know her and.." She wiped her eyes before a tear threatened to fall. Alice sighed and stepped aside, walking to her mom and pulling her in closer, she felt the slightest bit shaky.  
>"Yeah, you were wrong" she admitted still holding on to her petite frame, letting go a little she held her lightly by her shoulders so she could look into her eyes "But I forgive you"<br>"I was just so scared Alice, I didn't know what I was doing and I didn't know what people would think and your dad he said if I stayed with Rachel then he'd take you and I didn't want to loose you" her thumb traced across Alice's cheek, who in return smiled sympathetically.  
>"You're not going to loose me, and I do forgive you. It's in the past now okay?" she looked down at her mothers star on her wrist which was now on full display and felt happy for her. She didn't have to lie who she was anymore. "I better go get Luke his candy" she said rolling her eyes but smiling. Quinn sniffed once but smiled back, letting go of her daughters hand.<p>

"Luke?" Alice called apprehensively as she poked her head out of the apartment door, he wasn't in the corridor. Getting the lift down to the ground floor lobby of the apartments she felt her heart begin to panic a little and her hands grow sweaty, she felt like her stomach was continuously dropping as she searched the lobby to no avail. He wasn't in the lobby and he wasn't by the door man – she exhaled in relief as she saw the little blob of blonde hair just outside. She marched out of the apartment block and grabbed him by the arm, squatting down a little so she could talk to him eye to eye "Don't ever do that again to me okay?" she said with a serious tone of voice, but still pulling him into an immediate hug, but before she knew it he was pulling away.  
>"Hey! Hey look its Rachel!" he pointed at the brunette who smiled at them across the street, Luke smiled and waved back and Alice looked up and did the same. It took one second, just one second of her not looking at him. She looked down and he was gone, the busy and violent street of traffic between them and Rachel seemed even more vicious, and sprinting across it was her little brother. She felt frozen, unable to move, speak, even breathe. It was like she watching it happen, as if she wasn't there. It was all happening too quickly, the horns were blowing too loudly, everything was too loud too fast. They were driving too fast. He was too small. He needed to stop running, why wasn't he watching. Why couldn't she shout. She was screaming inside her head but her lips couldn't move. <em>LUKE WATCH OUT, LUKE STOP<em>. Still she couldn't move. Rachel's eyes, they were filled with panic. Why was she panicking. They caught her own for a split second and said everything in that one moment. Why was the taxi turning around the corner so fast, why wasn't he moving, why was he just standing there. Rachel's bright coat rushed across, what was she doing. Alice panted, her eyes fixed on the scene in front of her. Rachel pushed him and Luke fell, the cars were so loud, why was it so hot. All she heard next was the sound of a hollow thump and the sound of the breaks screeching.

"MOM" Alice sprinted through the halted cars and the circle of people that had formed and their panicked whispers. She couldn't hear them, she couldn't see them, she couldn't feel _anything_. She flew herself on the floor and gently scooped up Rachel's head to put on her lap, the tears cascading down her cheeks so violently that they flew onto Rachel's skin like rain drops. Alice's hands fumbled around Rachel's limp body, her breathing uneven, trying to find a wound or anything but she couldn't find a single thing, her coat and skin was as dry as the thick summer heat. A dribble of crimson blood rolled down a wound on Rachel's temple and Alice could feel herself begin to shake and gasp for air, someone tried to touch her but she yanked away, in the background she could hear the sound of an ambulance but in her heart she knew it was too late. Not a single breathe escaped her lips, not a single heartbeat moved through her veins, not a single note would be sung again "Mom wake up, please wake up – you can't leave me. _please don't leave me_." Rachel was gone and the noisy street fell silent. Dead silent.

Rachel Berry was gone.

The days that followed where not happy days. Nor were the weeks. They were not happy days for Andrew, who feeling the full impact on his scandalous affair (even though Rachel was not the one to leak it to the press out of higher respect for him, and it was actually John's doing) now had to deal with the death of his wife. He did not feel the loss of a lover, but that of a friend, and was not bitter to know she left nothing to him of money, only sentimental objects. He took them with gratitude and hoped he'd make a better life for himself, knowing he had a better chance than before he met Rachel, as she'd taught him patience, kindness and perseverance. He felt a deep sense of regret as he stood on a pew at the back. They were not happy days for Luke, who amidst his confusion of his very first funeral held a deep sense of guilt, even though he'd been repeatedly told it wasn't his fault, mostly by Alice who blamed herself most of all. For him, Rachel wasn't just someone who saved his life, she was someone that had influenced a very quiet shy little boy to be courageous, and risk things for those you care about. They were not happy days for Alice, who had just met her mother and during the same day lost her. But even though she felt like the time they had together was not enough, she knew that she was lucky to have met someone like that. Rachel had given her the gift of who she was, and had left her not only her diary and other small possessions, but a tuition fees and money for an apartment anywhere she wanted. Rachel may have cherished her in the past, but Alice knew that she cared about her future too. It despaired her to think she wouldn't be part of it. And most of all, these were not happy days for Quinn Fabray who had lost a lover, a friend, and the girl that had once meant everything to her. Rachel Berry had taught her to love, she was the woman of her life, and she believed she was blessed to know her. Yet she was still surprised to know that she was left with everything that Rachel owned. She tried her best to be strong as she sat on the front row in a black outfit that matched the darkness that filled her heart, and tried not to think about the thoughts that had followed Rachel's death. She wanted it to be her, it deserved to be her, and mostly – she didn't want to live in a world without her. But she couldn't, she had to stay alive for her children and for Rachel. It was what she would've wanted. Quinn was ready to give everything to her memory, and she knew that she had the strength to do it now she had Rachel in her heart.

But after sadness, there comes light. The pain was still present and the wounds would not yet heal as they would. But in an apartment in the upper eastside not so far away from you stood a very small family, a girl, a boy, and a mother. They all had one thing in common, in some way or another, they were all saved for a lady named Rachel. As they unpacked and settled into their home, and kept Rachel's items sacred, and thought of her with each passing day – they all knew one thing. That she wasn't gone. It would be the smallest of things, a song on the radio or the smell of her perfume on the pillow. Alice spent most nights reading her thoughts. Most nights she cried into her pillow and was later soothed by the nuzzle of Luke's head or her mother's warm arms. But some nights, she would just smile and think to herself what did she do to deserve having known someone like her. Soon her classes would start in NYU, and Luke would be attending school, and Quinn would be running theatre photography classes of Broadway in the Rachel Berry memorial wing of the grand theatre as well as opening her very own bakery in the Spring. But at the end of the day, they all knew that she should be here too. It wasn't right and it shouldn't have happened but it did. Amy exhibited some of her work in NYU's art facilities and her and Alice grew closer, even Charlie came to visit on weekends from North Carolina, which he decided to stay in. It was only on her first day of semester did he show up at her front door with a bouquet full of cornflowers and tell her who enrolled in NYU on a music scholarship. It had been the first time she laughed of happiness in a while. So life went on, but differently. They were stronger now, they were braver now, and this was all thanks to her.

"I didn't know you had a tattoo, huh maybe you do have spunk" Amy teased as she hopped out of the car after Alice and Charlie. Alice blushed and felt the back of her neck with her finger tips as she remembered the star, it would be always with her and even when she forgot about it or didn't think about it, it would still be there. With her.

"Oh, a while back actually. But now, it's kind of symbolic for my mom actually" she said with sincerity in her eyes. Annie didn't catch on and frowned in confusion.

"Quinn?"

"No, my other mom. " she said with a smile as she took in a deep breath and walked to turn into the university hall, she could almost see her future, it was right there in front of her. She caught a glance of Charlie next to her who gave her a reassuring look. "Rachel Barbra Berry" she breathed out as she looked into the skies above the glistening hall. Somewhere, out there, she knew she was watching her. And Alice hoped she'd make her mom proud. Lacing her fingers with Charlie's she walked into the future and in that moment felt like Rachel was holding her other hand. "My mommy" she said quietly only to herself, but of course, also to Rachel. The woman who would always be part of her life.

Authors note: Thank you so much for everyone's who read this, its my first fanfic, and if you've read the whole thing you're a saint and even if you've just skimmed a chapter I still appreciate it I'm sorry it ended on a sad note, I saw some people didn't quite like it and I understand. I just wanted to say that a lot of good things had worked out in the plot, and I guess this was trying to make a point that sure life doesn't always turn out happy – but then again, in a way it is a happy ending. Rachel finally got to meet her daughter and say all the things she ever wanted to to Quinn, who in return got to mend all the things she broken. Rachel did the ultimate sacrifice and swapped her life not just for Luke's, but also knowing the impact also for Quinn and Alice, and isn't sacrifice what being a mother and a lover is all about. Rachel gave the gift of her life so the two people who meant everything to her could have theirs. And for that, they will be forever grateful to her. Alice left to find her mom, she found that and so much more.


End file.
